this is denial

i would never want to revisit that time ever again. but this time, i relished it. maybe i am using it as an excuse, of not acknowledging the current pain and i am just reminiscing. it is still scary to bear through it. but the thought that the pain at the time was the greatest i have ever pulled through, it supposedly overshadows the actual pain that i am going through right now.

guess i am not making much of a sense.

i see it staring at my face, the same mistake i did, again and again. what broke the chemistry, what destroyed the magic, what swept the longing away. in a way it is something that i could not control — this is just me. if that person wants badly enough, things will be compromised. and yet i have not seen anyone doing it. for me. no one bothered/interested/stomach-ed enough to do it so. haha.

this is when i felt, it is still a long way to go. as much as i believe he’s ever nearer, it’s actually very, very far away. i just can’t get how the cosmic works. i dealt all the cards, pulled every tricks known and played each game. either i’m a fair opponent, a too aggressive member or a not favourable player. but i am never the weak one.

what if this is actually the last test, before the real one comes along? the last before the year ends? would there be any difference in the new coming chapter/year/month?

spotted

it’s a very busy schedule for S daily even though she looks like she is not doing anything at all.

then again, ‘busy’ is an understatement. more to hectic.

in work, in personal life, in family and last but never the least — in cats.

are things beginning to prosper?
one can never tell — not even yours truly.

rumour has it S is in a relationship. but where art thou is the beau?

you really have to be careful of what you wish for. you want a husband, you will get it, along with other things that you do not want that comes with this package called ‘husband’. in a way, i find that my life has not changed 360 degrees, not even a full ten degrees to begin with. it’s not even a matter of too-early-to-say when things have been fast forwarded already, but it does remained to be materialized.

well… good luck, S.

just for the heck of lipsticks and such

it’s been awhile i’ve blogged something like this, i want to know how different is the feeling of the aftermath.

am i really officially colder?

oh yea, before we start, there are two things i’ve been hearing from people that i find it hard to believe. things i heard from people, about moi, none other yours truly here.

one — that i am getting prettier. okay, there are a few notable people i thanked too, albeit not to their face, because, well, it’s Suessy Suraya Suhaimi. there’s always a plausible reason she’s a frenemy to certain people — but she doesn’t bite the hands who fed her. rather, they found a new pet, or, treated her like a runner for their errands.

see?

back to i‘m–getting–prettier. previously she have heard of people raving about her bestie whose beauty graph chart increased each moment. a person who just gets prettier and prettier. amazing. i could never live up to that.

but apparently, as we speak, people commented that i am. despite still being dentally challenged.

thank you.

second — get this: i lost weight. lost? seriously? especially after the fasting month. seriously? i still feel bloated, huge and wide. but they say i sooo am.

if that is true, then, OhMG, i must’ve been way bigger and huge-r than now.

nevertheless, thank you.

now back to business.

+ in the voice of a la Gossip Girl +

it takes more than simply being nineteen days ahead to invite a waldorf to your party, especially after what you did to a waldorf. don’t take it for granted that you were once close to her, and then she walked away. for plausible reasons. not that you have done anything to proved otherwise anyway.

despite being alone and trapped in her own depression state of mind and losing a handful of bridesmaids, S is very well booked off throughout the year. to the point she hated for what she was booked for.

a whirlwind of romances and flings and assholisms as the new cult one should always avoid, S is currently seen frolicking around between music notes and leaves of books with a tall, artsy-fartsy companion.

it is unknown though widely speculated but S does not settled with anyone. she is just having a good year. so far.

therefore —

From the Office of Waldorf’s Household and Resident

Dear Ms J.,

Thank you for your kind invitation to Ms Waldorf for your betrothal on November xx, 2010. We have graciously accepted your personal tele-invitation as informed. Ms Waldorf would like to apologize for not recognizing your number on her new Nokia since her last Sony Ericsson went kaput. Nevertheless, Ms Waldorf is very enthusiastic to be the first one invited via personal cellphone call. In addition, please accept our congratulations from the whole household.

However, we regret to inform that Ms Waldorf will not be able to attend your engagement due to prior arrangementsss, or rather, family duties — with benefits of extended holiday to an isle for a beach trip. Ms Waldorf will be leaving the city for Eid-ul Haj precisely on November 16th, 2010 and will be back on November 23rd, 2010. Ms Waldorf will then be attending her cousin’s wedding which is the same date of your engagement, and which has also been previously blocked since May 20th, 2010.

We would like to highlight that Ms Waldorf will also be enjoying quality reading time while away, hence only emergency calls will be accepted. Ms Waldorf can still be reached via her virtual social networks.
Please request for ID/e-mail address if you do not have hers or have been removed from her list.

Ms Waldorf would like to extend her hearty congratulations to you and your partner on the engagement and wishing both luck through this new chapter and the next. She also wished to include her personal words, “may you both live happily here and hereafter”.

Thank you and we hope that you will have a wonderful occasion on your special day.

***Kindly contact Ms Gatsubi at least six months prior to request for Ms Waldorf blocking her schedule to attend your occasion/event. We will be more than glad to re-arrange for you in case the said date may just as well has already been blocked.

Best regards,

Ms Luesi Penguini Victoria
assistant to Ms Moeli Nanae Gatsubi
assistant to Ms Blair Suessylia Waldorf

c.c. miss moeli nanae gatsubi‘s bb

for the heck of it, okay, read that? chill, aku takkan menyemakkan letter box kau atau bersusah payah handwrite this. aku send text terus —

sorry, can’t make it for your engagement. will be in penang til tuesday. thanks for the invite, have a wonderful day!

hm. best jugak getting back to blogging with the required capital letters. nampak cantik.

so, the word of the day is — cantik.

there. habis lunch time aku blogging. it’s been fun revisiting.