dorota: miss blair, are you drunk?

i really am phenomenal when it comes to self-endorphing. play me all the favourite songs, let it seeps in, and i really dance like no one’s watching.

those consuming alcohol chugged like… i don’t know, i just see them keep coming. and exactly like that, i keep being endorphed. endlessly. song after song. and when you have a good party with you, you’re firework. and a small party we were, but good things do come in small packages, no?

mula-mula a malu-malu crazy b*tch lea. lepas tu a very, very, very crazy b*tch.

thank you for putting me up that stage. i couldn’t stop laughing at how silly i was then. but it was hella fun.

despite that i broke up with the girls, there are things they said that i still carry around. shoobs knows me that i just needed someone to say hi or smile at me, then only will i actually looked friendly and approachable with the way i responded.

the girls always reminded me to stop appearing rigid and quiet. i am actually this girl who’s interesting and very, very fun to be with. start with a smile. and then just keep smiling.

when i was in the car and being sort of ‘briefed’ … there is no that heavy feeling like i used to have. it has became, its whether i want it or not. i can pull this off, but it goes down only to whether i want it or not. that’s all.

and there was that very important lesson from that movie Yes Man. you only gotta say yes, no matter how automatically often you’d said no before.

then again, without the missing links — fuck it, well just go! — or having that good party, or a strong pair of hands pushing me forward, i wouldn’t really start.

but once i started…

theres the crazy b*tch.

it was a blast.

the office anniversary dinner.

they hardly see this part of me, of course. and when they did, they went —

“are you drunk? you sure you didn’t drink? did you drink when we weren’t watching?”

i was really overwhelmed. i would have stand on my toes and kiss the boss on the cheek as our photo is taken. but i chose to run around the wine rume hugging bridg, mel, and ceel. and they went, “seriously, this is Sue? what happened to you? are you okay?”

and then hugging shoobs. besides everyone else in the rume, she is the biggest mentor, the one yang aku paling banyak menyusahkan, the avid listener and when she’s boisterous, she’s full of it.

i wasn’t drinking, i was just… overwhelmed. even the boss was laughing and laughing when we talked. my guess is that he never thought he’d get this out of me.

it took me some time to discard the overwhelmation and i spaced out a bit and had to asked them to repeat what were they saying about me. -_-“)

good times, though.


just for the heck of lipsticks and such

it’s been awhile i’ve blogged something like this, i want to know how different is the feeling of the aftermath.

am i really officially colder?

oh yea, before we start, there are two things i’ve been hearing from people that i find it hard to believe. things i heard from people, about moi, none other yours truly here.

one — that i am getting prettier. okay, there are a few notable people i thanked too, albeit not to their face, because, well, it’s Suessy Suraya Suhaimi. there’s always a plausible reason she’s a frenemy to certain people — but she doesn’t bite the hands who fed her. rather, they found a new pet, or, treated her like a runner for their errands.


back to imgettingprettier. previously she have heard of people raving about her bestie whose beauty graph chart increased each moment. a person who just gets prettier and prettier. amazing. i could never live up to that.

but apparently, as we speak, people commented that i am. despite still being dentally challenged.

thank you.

second — get this: i lost weight. lost? seriously? especially after the fasting month. seriously? i still feel bloated, huge and wide. but they say i sooo am.

if that is true, then, OhMG, i must’ve been way bigger and huge-r than now.

nevertheless, thank you.

now back to business.

+ in the voice of a la Gossip Girl +

it takes more than simply being nineteen days ahead to invite a waldorf to your party, especially after what you did to a waldorf. don’t take it for granted that you were once close to her, and then she walked away. for plausible reasons. not that you have done anything to proved otherwise anyway.

despite being alone and trapped in her own depression state of mind and losing a handful of bridesmaids, S is very well booked off throughout the year. to the point she hated for what she was booked for.

a whirlwind of romances and flings and assholisms as the new cult one should always avoid, S is currently seen frolicking around between music notes and leaves of books with a tall, artsy-fartsy companion.

it is unknown though widely speculated but S does not settled with anyone. she is just having a good year. so far.

therefore —

From the Office of Waldorf’s Household and Resident

Dear Ms J.,

Thank you for your kind invitation to Ms Waldorf for your betrothal on November xx, 2010. We have graciously accepted your personal tele-invitation as informed. Ms Waldorf would like to apologize for not recognizing your number on her new Nokia since her last Sony Ericsson went kaput. Nevertheless, Ms Waldorf is very enthusiastic to be the first one invited via personal cellphone call. In addition, please accept our congratulations from the whole household.

However, we regret to inform that Ms Waldorf will not be able to attend your engagement due to prior arrangementsss, or rather, family duties — with benefits of extended holiday to an isle for a beach trip. Ms Waldorf will be leaving the city for Eid-ul Haj precisely on November 16th, 2010 and will be back on November 23rd, 2010. Ms Waldorf will then be attending her cousin’s wedding which is the same date of your engagement, and which has also been previously blocked since May 20th, 2010.

We would like to highlight that Ms Waldorf will also be enjoying quality reading time while away, hence only emergency calls will be accepted. Ms Waldorf can still be reached via her virtual social networks.
Please request for ID/e-mail address if you do not have hers or have been removed from her list.

Ms Waldorf would like to extend her hearty congratulations to you and your partner on the engagement and wishing both luck through this new chapter and the next. She also wished to include her personal words, “may you both live happily here and hereafter”.

Thank you and we hope that you will have a wonderful occasion on your special day.

***Kindly contact Ms Gatsubi at least six months prior to request for Ms Waldorf blocking her schedule to attend your occasion/event. We will be more than glad to re-arrange for you in case the said date may just as well has already been blocked.

Best regards,

Ms Luesi Penguini Victoria
assistant to Ms Moeli Nanae Gatsubi
assistant to Ms Blair Suessylia Waldorf

c.c. miss moeli nanae gatsubis bb

for the heck of it, okay, read that? chill, aku takkan menyemakkan letter box kau atau bersusah payah handwrite this. aku send text terus —

sorry, can’t make it for your engagement. will be in penang til tuesday. thanks for the invite, have a wonderful day!

hm. best jugak getting back to blogging with the required capital letters. nampak cantik.

so, the word of the day is — cantik.

there. habis lunch time aku blogging. it’s been fun revisiting.


because you talked to an azubirian like that — you get snubbed.

+ in the voice of a la Gossip Girl +

it’s a pretty agonizing day for S to go through but her ever attentive white knight kept her company, showering endless affections and pretty pictures. S took in her consolation at the stats of her private playground visits. it doesn’t only came from the source she planted, but a few others who have linked her elsewhere and clickers came to read another one of those wrathful entries which S cursed a lot, naturally.

and more profoundly, visitors just knew which link to click, which account to be referred to — albeit protected.

whether or not this is another bridge to burn — which S can simply do it in her sleep, especially unto those who could be off balance about something one never even had to start with — she has yet to comment any further. she just can’t help herself to pulling  a few teasing strings, though — all of a sudden, she just knows how to play this game.

but why waste time playing games or settling an argument when there are more things going on in life? unless you can prove S is wrong — then she would be interested to meet you and settle this… maturedly. if it is that called for.

who does S thinks she is? who do you think you are, summoning S to meet as you please, just because she naturally cursed a lot when she’s in wrath. weren’t you saying the mother-fourletterword-ing too?

in the meantime, enjoy being snubbed. not that you don’t need it anyway. you now have all the time in the world to ensure a much stronger connection. a total S-proof bond.

you have to feel like you want to give it to him

it’s funny how your close friends can be damn encouraging, if not supportive. termasuk the boyfies sekali. kelakar nak mampos.
“tolong lea, tolong lea bawak dia lepak sekali, suraya!”

layla is broken, i have to put her on speaker.
moi: this is not good when knight is calling meee!
and nurlin just burst out laughing.

that SUV ride is one of the best rides ever after all these years. it’s the mix of being adventurous, carefree, risky and fearless. all thrill and ecstasy and i just don’t bother where the hell we ended cruising through between all those sounds and curses coming out. some hella of a ruckus the two of us created.

and i just never thought, that, you know… it was accepted with glee by the closest friends you’ve got.
moi: the spell is broken!
nurlin: what spell?
moi: that spell!
nurlin: what spell??? aku tak faham!!!
moi: ape yang ade dengan aku dah bertahun-tahun?
nurlin: ohmigoddd!!! i want you. outside. right. now!!!

and when i walked past sam at the curve without even realizing that was him, terus set up a chase on me siap nurlin beriya called my cell — restlessly wanting to catch sight of knight.
moi: haha, diorang ingat kau skandal aku.
zaki: … … … … … … … … …
moi: kau kenal tak sape ni, nurlin?
nurlin muka blurrr — dia memang hopeless -_-“).
zaki: istana ni? (asking moi)
nurlin: oh ya, tau tau! now kenal already! (anggukangguk beriya)
sam laughed hysterically. siot mamat tu, terus menari-nari bangra.

when it hurts, i never reminisced it fondly or my lips are pursed in a silly smile endearing his imperfections that are perfect. i just feel it as it is — it hurts, ouh, damn!
nurlin: because you don’t have that feeling. he is not the one and you know it.
huda: but ouhhh i’m so happy for you! i’ve been waiting for this! can’t wait for the next episode! okay, details, details!

i’m just… taken aback with their encouragement. the boyfies included. i’m glad they know that i am just having fun. i’m glad they know that i can take care of myself. i’m glad they just let me have it and even if it turned out ugly, they promised me that they will be there. and find me another. hahahahaha ~

bitching for no apparent reason

i was looking at some pictures… and i can’t stop myself from wishing, “please let her stay fat… please, please, please… please don’t ever let her slim down… ever.”

and then orang lain pun akan curse aku, “please let her stay single… please, please, please… please don’t ever let her get married before me… at least…”

ha ha ha ~

ini sebab dah cantik sikit lea ni, dah nak riak orang lain semua buruk. sejak ade bangs — keje buta pukul 2 pagi — memang mendapat sambutan positif dari orang ramai. kira kalau rambut depan baru aku ni diibaratkan filem, positive reviews habis-habisan lea. aku buat point macam ni sebab memang best sangat lea suessy dengan potongan rambut begini. sampai boleh disamakan dengan evelyn salt gitu. dari country manager sampai veterinarian pun suka. pelbagai bangsa also — cina, melayu, india dan switzerland. siap diorang ingat the bangs were done professionally. hah!

tapi tu lah. aku rasa cam… hmm… orang lain semua… tak cantik. diamati survived sebab make up, sebab seksi, sebab… kau kaya (ini mak aku yang cakap). cuba kalau tak ade elemen tu… survived au naturale?

haizzz… aku ni masih lagi dentally-challenged — yang segelintir kenalan maki hamun kata aku langsung tak perlukan braces — eczema di kaki masih berbaki, kening dengan upper lip dah lama tak threading, badan semakin melebar… tapi aku pun survived. dengan compact powder untuk mengemaskan complexion. dan mengharapkan tulang kening yang prominent meng-semulajadikan pembentukan kening. dan of kross — my l’oréal eyeliner and mascara. every person akan terus cakap aku pakai bulu mata palsu. yes!

oh ya. selalu lupa nak taruk gincu. suka lip balm dan lip gloss je. tapi selalu kena lecture dengan mama dan shoobs sebab tak taruk gincu.

“bagi lea warna sikit!”

for moi, i like the wet lips. inviting, seducing, kissable-ing. ha ha ha ~

i’ve always said that make up is about highlighting my features. not to paint my face. it scares the hell out of me that (1) my husband will walk away once i took off the make up, (2) that i look totally different with or without make up, and (3) that i have to have to put on make up before i go out, even to attend to those people yang membuat bancian. in that order. that’s effin’ exhausting.

and then… and then… *boleh nak perasan lagi* — semenjak potongan rambut yang mendapat sambutan dan gelaran maskarakuin dari shoobs — membariskan diri sendiri dengan jennifer aniston dan cameron diaz. tak boleh blah. sebab kami ini semulajadi cantik, minimal make up saja perlu. dan single. masih belum berkahwin. prospect pun tak ade. tidak mengapa, kau sebaris A-list starlets — takbolehblah!

*but cameron d is seeing someone, kan? i recalled an item from yahoo! omg!*

but then bila tengok knight and day, cameron d dah nampak tua dowh. kalau takde make-up muka sure tak kemas. itu lea roha dah start suruh look into botox. the end is near… ha ha ha ~

+ + +

so i was looking at some pictures… and i realized that i don’t get those stabbing pains in the heart anymore. i can look at the pictures and not feel anything.

*lagi faktor yang menggalakan riak ini haizzz -_-“)*

i’m okay.

another factor that make me ever more confident — see, sebenarnya bukan riak. ini adalah a natural french girls’ trait dalam diri aku *oh sila pengsan sekarang* — are, le girlfriends.

aku nak turun tangga and in my sights i noticed this model-tall gal yang nak naik tangga but she’s on my way… aku ke kiri, dia pun sama dan ikut rentak aku ke kanan… rupa-rupanya the wedding planner. bila aku realized dia sape, terus gelak-gelak dapat kenakan aku.

*please note that when i exclaimed setanataushut up“, theyre not meant or in the same tone when i sayfuckerrrorfuck you“. ever.

jujurnya *quoting nazznazirah*, i’m always on the lookout for along-z(ee)z(ee) every time i arrived lrt. always. gembira dapat tengok a familiar face, a girlfriend, before you go to work. because girls just make you happy and all giggly. it always does. i guess some are not very much a morning person or a talkative person, it doesn’t matter to me — i could only relate it to how much one needs their “me” time inside the train, probably it’s the only time they have for themselves throughout the day anyway.

and bila along-z(ee)z(ee)  playfully tugged my hair, aku pun nak manja-manja exaggeratingly teleng kepala ikut arah tangan along-z(ee)z(ee) tarik my hair. suka. suka tengok dia yang stylish. matching striking colours that i could never think it would ever work but it does on her and for her. you know how some people dressed themselves really reflects their personality, like nazznazirah for instance — that is along-z(ee)z(ee). absolutely.

and for someone like her, tall and thin like that — one would (that is moi) may deemed her as timid or shy. but she’s all confident. no nonsense. tapi suka camwhore dan be gorgeous. aktif dan lasak nak mampos not ever a blair like moi would want to step in — takpelah, lain kali. i’ve always said my mother is ultraathletic but it never goes down to me — because me, i am the cheerleader. ha ha ha ~

so girlfriends make me happy, confident and feel all warm and pleasant and content. dropping a call or e-mailing…  ideas are shared along with naughty and nasty joke of the day, affectionate name-calling and bitching and problems talked and sorted. and even though you are not getting married yet, a girl will always enjoy the process and to be able to share the day is an honour, always.

which comes to wani ardy. i never thought she would always have me on her mind. like when she invited me for the breaking fast. and to her engagement. she made me do something i would never wanted to do — to come alone. i was not close to them… this is the crowd that i pulled myself away… because of what i did that made me sooo segan with them. tapi diorang okay je, takde hal. paling un-judgmental people i have ever met.

but this thing that has made me from wani’s simple invitations — of coming alone — is practically a milestone. i would have never want to do it but i did anyways. i survived *hezzz, cliché*. and now she has already pre-invited moi, along with informing the theme colours and being part of her big day. me, in her personal invite list, along with all the other girls who have known her forever and closer to her like the next person… like i am totally guffawed when i read her message. giiileah!

wani ardy has been like the missing link among each other, the one that brought us all together… even though she’s far away or wherever she is but when she sees you, she will text you about your new hair (again its the hair, dan masa itu pun ade bangs tapi dengan rambut bob ngehehe), or just dropped something amusing that made your day.

so here… i have all these girls along with jasmine, suerie, bella, ikim… the cashmere mafias, juez, nazz, eda and abby, farsha and her sisters, dira-chan and angelaira… who, simply accepted my quirkiness, my eccentricity, my antics with no questions asked, no contradictions, no snappy remarks, no subconscious-mind assumptions, no must-have-boyfriend-as-solutions-to-life — what they do is they celebrate me.

thank you, loves. thank you. sooo much.

nota kaki: i hope shanny tak jual baju aku since dah nak masuk lima bulan aku tak ambik baju-baju hantar last time. one of them is baju bridesmaid untuk wedding huda. memang kena penggal kepala lea kalau baju tu dalam tangan orang lain.

there were, some best lines mentioned during our cherating trip —

on the road, with a bottle of annusyrah drinking water

nurlin: huda, kau tak boleh minum air ni… nanti kau terbakar.
huda: kau minum dulu. kalau kau tak terbakar, confirm aku pun takkan terbakar.

+ + +

at the villa, getting ready for dinner

moi: i can never leave the haus without makeup now.
huda: is it like when you speak malay, you will look stupid?

+ + +

at the beach, nurlin and huda burying their feet into the sands. the waves was a nuisance.

huda: aiii, kenape ni? aku tak boleh nak tanam kaki aku.
roha: habis lea kau, huda — tanah tak nak terima kau.

+ + +