it’s great that you started out as friends. it’s truer than before when they say, “just start out as friends first.” but start it with good faith and an open mind — this is really true, you must and you have to. so then there will be no expectations, no rules and no assumptions. you can dismissed the ‘what if-s’ and just do what you want to do. you won’t be labeled eager, desperate or obnoxious. you’re just excited to have found a nu friend, that’s all. as long as you be nice and don’t go overboard. when you feel weird out, or clueless about what’s next, just clear your head and take it easy. tell/remind yourself, this is just friends — do what friends do.
you’ll be fine.
i would like to suggest this —
when you are being paranoid about him cheating on you, you will find yourself that eventually, the one who was cheating… is you.
you can get ahead of the game, but by subconsciously mirroring him as well. when you find yourself that you could just not control the situation, that you are so lifeless you heart hardly beats, just let it be. what’s more important is to save yourself. even though you have been ahead of him — spy works, et cetera — and beat him to it, catching him red-handed, you will still end up exhausting yourself.
and this is when you need you the most. you have no idea just how much you have exhausted yourself. you need all the energy to build back the space of what you know you have already lost — which crumbles you — even though it is not staring you in the face just yet. but we are women, we just know — we have the six hundred sixty-sixth instinct (exaggerate).
it’s a vicious cycle. i know it’s like you could never breathe again, think again, love again, find someone else better. you can’t sleep or you cried yourself to sleep. you could cry while you’re driving. you could cry just in the middle of nothing.
but let it go. it is true that you shouldn’t bitch. you shouldn’t crawl back. you should just move on. you should just let go. but during that period of doing so… i know it’s hard. like there could never be sunshine again.
but there will be.
there will be.
but you have to work hard.
even if you have the whole army supporting you, it never actually really starts, if it didn’t come from you first.
though some people still deserve it… and it’s utterly delicious to carry it out. haha.
i was looking at some pictures… and i can’t stop myself from wishing, “please let her stay fat… please, please, please… please don’t ever let her slim down… ever.”
and then orang lain pun akan curse aku, “please let her stay single… please, please, please… please don’t ever let her get married before me… at least…”
ha ha ha ~
ini sebab dah cantik sikit lea ni, dah nak riak orang lain semua buruk. sejak ade bangs — keje buta pukul 2 pagi — memang mendapat sambutan positif dari orang ramai. kira kalau rambut depan baru aku ni diibaratkan filem, positive reviews habis-habisan lea. aku buat point macam ni sebab memang best sangat lea suessy dengan potongan rambut begini. sampai boleh disamakan dengan evelyn salt gitu. dari country manager sampai veterinarian pun suka. pelbagai bangsa also — cina, melayu, india dan switzerland. siap diorang ingat the bangs were done professionally. hah!
tapi tu lah. aku rasa cam… hmm… orang lain semua… tak cantik. diamati survived sebab make up, sebab seksi, sebab… kau kaya (ini mak aku yang cakap). cuba kalau tak ade elemen tu… survived au naturale?
haizzz… aku ni masih lagi dentally-challenged — yang segelintir kenalan maki hamun kata aku langsung tak perlukan braces — eczema di kaki masih berbaki, kening dengan upper lip dah lama tak threading, badan semakin melebar… tapi aku pun survived. dengan compact powder untuk mengemaskan complexion. dan mengharapkan tulang kening yang prominent meng-semulajadikan pembentukan kening. dan of kross — my l’oréal eyeliner and mascara. every person akan terus cakap aku pakai bulu mata palsu. yes!
oh ya. selalu lupa nak taruk gincu. suka lip balm dan lip gloss je. tapi selalu kena lecture dengan mama dan shoobs sebab tak taruk gincu.
“bagi lea warna sikit!”
for moi, i like the wet lips. inviting, seducing, kissable-ing. ha ha ha ~
i’ve always said that make up is about highlighting my features. not to paint my face. it scares the hell out of me that (1) my husband will walk away once i took off the make up, (2) that i look totally different with or without make up, and (3) that i have to have to put on make up before i go out, even to attend to those people yang membuat bancian. in that order. that’s effin’ exhausting.
and then… and then… *boleh nak perasan lagi* — semenjak potongan rambut yang mendapat sambutan dan gelaran maskarakuin dari shoobs — membariskan diri sendiri dengan jennifer aniston dan cameron diaz. tak boleh blah. sebab kami ini semulajadi cantik, minimal make up saja perlu. dan single. masih belum berkahwin. prospect pun tak ade. tidak mengapa, kau sebaris A-list starlets — takbolehblah!
*but cameron d is seeing someone, kan? i recalled an item from yahoo! omg!*
but then bila tengok knight and day, cameron d dah nampak tua dowh. kalau takde make-up muka sure tak kemas. itu lea roha dah start suruh look into botox. the end is near… ha ha ha ~
+ + +
so i was looking at some pictures… and i realized that i don’t get those stabbing pains in the heart anymore. i can look at the pictures and not feel anything.
*lagi faktor yang menggalakan riak ini haizzz -_-“)*
another factor that make me ever more confident — see, sebenarnya bukan riak. ini adalah a natural french girls’ trait dalam diri aku *oh sila pengsan sekarang* — are, le girlfriends.
aku nak turun tangga and in my sights i noticed this model-tall gal yang nak naik tangga but she’s on my way… aku ke kiri, dia pun sama dan ikut rentak aku ke kanan… rupa-rupanya the wedding planner. bila aku realized dia sape, terus gelak-gelak dapat kenakan aku.
*please note that when i exclaimed “setan” atau “shut up“, they‘re not meant or in the same tone when i say “fuckerrr” or “fuck you“. ever.
jujurnya *quoting nazznazirah*, i’m always on the lookout for along-z(ee)z(ee) every time i arrived lrt. always. gembira dapat tengok a familiar face, a girlfriend, before you go to work. because girls just make you happy and all giggly. it always does. i guess some are not very much a morning person or a talkative person, it doesn’t matter to me — i could only relate it to how much one needs their “me” time inside the train, probably it’s the only time they have for themselves throughout the day anyway.
and bila along-z(ee)z(ee) playfully tugged my hair, aku pun nak manja-manja exaggeratingly teleng kepala ikut arah tangan along-z(ee)z(ee) tarik my hair. suka. suka tengok dia yang stylish. matching striking colours that i could never think it would ever work but it does on her and for her. you know how some people dressed themselves really reflects their personality, like nazznazirah for instance — that is along-z(ee)z(ee). absolutely.
and for someone like her, tall and thin like that — one would (that is moi) may deemed her as timid or shy. but she’s all confident. no nonsense. tapi suka camwhore dan be gorgeous. aktif dan lasak nak mampos not ever a blair like moi would want to step in — takpelah, lain kali. i’ve always said my mother is ultraathletic but it never goes down to me — because me, i am the cheerleader. ha ha ha ~
so girlfriends make me happy, confident and feel all warm and pleasant and content. dropping a call or e-mailing… ideas are shared along with naughty and nasty joke of the day, affectionate name-calling and bitching and problems talked and sorted. and even though you are not getting married yet, a girl will always enjoy the process and to be able to share the day is an honour, always.
which comes to wani ardy. i never thought she would always have me on her mind. like when she invited me for the breaking fast. and to her engagement. she made me do something i would never wanted to do — to come alone. i was not close to them… this is the crowd that i pulled myself away… because of what i did that made me sooo segan with them. tapi diorang okay je, takde hal. paling un-judgmental people i have ever met.
but this thing that has made me from wani’s simple invitations — of coming alone — is practically a milestone. i would have never want to do it but i did anyways. i survived *hezzz, cliché*. and now she has already pre-invited moi, along with informing the theme colours and being part of her big day. me, in her personal invite list, along with all the other girls who have known her forever and closer to her like the next person… like i am totally guffawed when i read her message. giii–le‘ ah!
wani ardy has been like the missing link among each other, the one that brought us all together… even though she’s far away or wherever she is but when she sees you, she will text you about your new hair (again it‘s the hair, dan masa itu pun ade bangs tapi dengan rambut bob ngehehe), or just dropped something amusing that made your day.
so here… i have all these girls along with jasmine, suerie, bella, ikim… the cashmere mafias, juez, nazz, eda and abby, farsha and her sisters, dira-chan and angelaira… who, simply accepted my quirkiness, my eccentricity, my antics with no questions asked, no contradictions, no snappy remarks, no subconscious-mind assumptions, no must-have-boyfriend-as-solutions-to-life — what they do is they celebrate me.
thank you, loves. thank you. sooo much.
nota kaki: i hope shanny tak jual baju aku since dah nak masuk lima bulan aku tak ambik baju-baju hantar last time. one of them is baju bridesmaid untuk wedding huda. memang kena penggal kepala lea kalau baju tu dalam tangan orang lain.
the world could use a lot less of them.
it’s an immediate turn off when i hear a man said —
“aku tak boleh nak explain dengan kau benda-benda macam ni, sebab ilmu kau tak sampai untuk nak faham benda yang aku nak explain.”
as a man, you ultimately fail. because if that is such the case, imagine if our Baginda Rasulullah SAW said such thing as that. memang lea Baginda itu maksum, but that’s why there’s such a phrase as layman‘s term.
+ + +
don’t ever mengasari perempuan and children.
it never makes you any more powerful.
it justifies none of your anger.
+ + +
i heart it when roha said —
kita ni hamba. hamba literally have nothing. mintak (doa) kat Tuhan (Allah SWT) je.
never lose that faith. there are better men than these.
gueci is expecting, okay. dia curi my biological clock timing belt — crappp.
i already have names for her babies — bijou, jiro and gatsby. bijou — a french name pronounced, bee–gay, but i don‘t care imma pronounce it bee–zhou — is well, a name that has been hanging around for quite some time, ever since M gave moi that toy poodle… jiro is from the j-drama, engine, when shunta keeps shouting for jiro (played by darling kimutaku as the bus driver… okay okay, the race car driver) as he ran after the bus to the point jiro stopped and asked, “why do you keep calling my name? i ain’t a dog…” and gatsby… what else, darling kimutaku again, although i would be pronouncing it gat-soo-bee later on. they’re all unisex names, don’t you think? ha-ha!
itu pun kalau dapat three surviving kittens. kalau dapat four or five, i still have not think of their names yet! maybe james ataupun harry potter? pegasus ke, atau intan payung? touareg or tribeca? oh, oh… maybe tribeca ^^ — kalau it’s tricolour…
and i have a list of names that will be notified of their arrival already. nak buat e-card cantik-cantik and tag their appointed godmummies and daddies ^^.
i have pictures of pregnant gueci. but malasnya nak upload. since travis is frequently absent with moi recently, tagg suggested that i should lend travis to him. well, tagg and travis will never be friends =p.
i really, really can’t wait for the arrival of ’em kitties ^^. i hope they will all arrived safely dan dipanjangkan hayat =).
suessy hits another mirage
rasa macam nak shut down, nak stop the time, nak get away, nak hilangkan diri. mungkin bukak satu profile alter ego. ahhh letih.
please bring me home soon.
there is no song yang boleh buat rasa sesuatu itu entah ape yang dicari hendak dirasai fulaweyyy bahasaaa!
after a while during the first few months of being single, i dread listening to brokenhearted songs. i want to be happy. happy happy. so i listen to all those playful and flirty and happy love songs. have faith.
they were right to tell me to go single when i don’t want to. now i relish it. it is totally very very nice and you get this one sublime chance to love yourself more than ever. to the point that, you won’t let just anyone get even a piece of you, unless they are offering something back, something that you want. to hurt you, jauh sekali.
anyways, on a different pitch — mengapa harus ku jatuh cinta dengan orang jahat? hattrick, babe, bad boys are really sooo hot!!! takei-san of mr brain, baek kye soo of hwang jin yi and recent addition — kaizaki hiroto of tokyo dogs. O-M-G gorgeousnya si jahat-jahat ini. kudo maruo is amusing, dowh, dah lea tinggi dan comel and kacak at the same time getarrr hati mak. shun oguri is shun oguri, aishiteru-desss.
for now, sangat kronik dan kritikal mahu mencari baju untuk valentine’s di johor tahun ini. dan tidak mahu spend melebihi RM50. bertuah.
gomen-neh, pharhunt darl, can’t be with you for v-day!
wahaha going to turun-ing penang sooooooonnn ^o^/ !!!
gile nak signed off amende?