being simple

the world could use a lot less of them.

it’s an immediate turn off when i hear a man said —
“aku tak boleh nak explain dengan kau benda-benda macam ni, sebab ilmu kau tak sampai untuk nak faham benda yang aku nak explain.”

as a man, you ultimately fail. because if that is such the case, imagine if our Baginda Rasulullah SAW said such thing as that. memang lea Baginda itu maksum, but that’s why there’s such a phrase as laymans term.

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don’t ever mengasari perempuan and children.

it never makes you any more powerful.

NEVER.

it justifies none of your anger.

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i heart it when roha said —

kita ni hamba. hamba literally have nothing. mintak (doa) kat Tuhan (Allah SWT) je.

never lose that faith. there are better men than these.

overdosed

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: suessy
Birth Date: oct 20th
Current Location: selangor, MALAYSIA
Hair Color: black. dyed iced latte.
Righty/Lefty: righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: ocean, snakes, sharks
Your dream of the perfect date: laughing, eating, walking, playing on swings
Goals you’d like to achieve: making mum happy til her last breath, spending the rest of my life happily with the man who loves me.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: do i have enough time to wash my hair?
Your best physical feature: hair — and people thought i did rebonding.
Your bed time: somewhere between midnight to one a.m..
Your most missed memory: the late night to early morning rides of laughing, flirting and eating.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: coke.
McDonald’s or Burger King: burger king.
Single or Group Dates: don’t really care.
Adidas or Nike: nike.
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla.
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffeeeee.

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: nope.
Cuss: now and then.
Take showers: oui.
Have a crush: currently, no… oh, wait. jake gyllenhaal.
Like(d) school: nope.
Believe in yourself: most of the time.
Believe what goes around comes around: naturally.
Believe everything happens for a reason: oui.
Think you’re a health freak: now and then. those articles i read on yahoo! sometimes haunt me whenever i’m picking up the fast or junk food. whatever.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: oui.
Been on stage: oui.
Eaten sushi: oui.
Been hurt: more to been pissed than been hurt. it takes a lot to hurt me these days.
Dyed your hair: nope.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: nope.
Kissed the same sex: accidentally. the lips just grazed, that’s all.
Got beaten up: nope.
Changed who you were to fit in: naturally. after two hurtful lessons — with the the ex and the girls — i’m done. they meant that much that i’m now done.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 24. now, let’s try before 30.
Number of kids you’re planning on having: five. four boys and one girl.

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: i don’t care.
Best hair color: i don’t really care…
Short or long hair: either which that works on him.
Fat or fit: fit with biceps to bite for. and kissable navel.
Looks or personality: the latter. you’re a turn off if you’re the male version of an airhead.
Fun or serious: apply accordingly. being cynical is fun too. or saying something cynical with a straight face like hugh grant or adam sandler is totally fun.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: breakfast.
1 HOUR AGO: tumblr-ing.
1 WEEK AGO: maybe i was doing the haus, or the katz, or the laptop… i couldn’t recall.
1 YEAR AGO: heart broken by a chap.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: fat. because my guycousins keep pointing out my huge biceps. but they say that i am still slim. just the biceps. they can’t take their eyes of ’em they’re fascinated. es-hol…
I HATE: inconsiderate people who are afraid to be nice.
I HIDE: because i feel that i am socially-incompetent.
I NEED: to be at the beaches.
I LOVE: my katz!

being akal-less

let me get this out of my system

i implore to youngsters out there who are darn fascinated and driven with the sadism conflicted by four males unto an unfortunate female on the last 44 days of her life that they (youngsters) are committed to spread it around as much as possible — to spare your mother the details. it is enough to let her (your mother) knows that whatever the four males did to the girl is as far as human rights do not apply on them.

in the wake of seeking justice for arwah aminulrasyid amzah, it gives the youngsters all the reason to hate the police. then again, who are these four males who akal-lessly tortured junko furuta… the males were then 16 and 17 years of age. whats your age again, youngster?

it is pointless to hate a certain demographic. the point is, human are gifted with the one thing that separates them from beasts — akal. but some went akal-less.

some.

personal opinion: parents should never stop looking for their children who went missing. children and parents are meant to be together under one roof — that’s family. and parents should never ignore the plea of another child that is not theirs. it is worth the risk… have faith in the police force. there are people who actually live for their profession.

the point is, this is just a cruel test of faith — on the victim, on the mothers, on you. those who ridicule these people in desperation should be the first in line to be sula-ed.

homewrecker

i’m in ♥ with so many people at the same time

yeahhhmaybe im paula crowe =p but sarah chalke is really prettycantiknakmamps i actuallyreallyloveher.

ron weasley
— very much immersed in the wizarding world right now… i plugged my ears with kerispatih and read away with relish the harry potter series on the train. i enjoyed it so much that i don’t want to get off the train. and i realized, that’s the only time i have for myself these days, where no one can reach me.

jake gyllenhaal
— he never appeals to me. i didn’t even recognized him in the prince of persia preview. and then i found out it was him. i’m gemma arterton.

anthony bourdain
— i’m watching this episode (S06E007) where everybody he’s interviewing is obsessed about the food they’re obsessing about. tony looks kurus-er. handsome. stop talking to the pigs head, tony!

i think his name is rizal.

i have 700 thoughts running througharoundin my mind right now.

screaming monkeys

love the word “violent”.

i heart this entry. (say this in the manner of reuben — played by cliff curtis — said it in trauma).

i would rather welcome a subtle attack.
then again, be careful of what you wish for.

the point is, don’t make the people beneath you feels like it literally itself. it’s very old to throw it all off. and especially throwing it off with an open-ended question. you don’t want your question to be answered — they are very stupid to dare to answer you. but in the first place, since you’re already being one, why not?

seriously, your people are not stupid. simply. don’t insult their intelligence. it’s their intelligence that made you decided on them in the first place. don’t sabotaged your own chieftainnessity — it’s not even an option. you lose the most.

your rank, your title, just because… your screaming simply echoes your own weakness.

the above applies on certain worst turn of events and the word intelligenceis not only about the papers.
go figure.

an afdal apology

first thing to do bila breakup. somehow i felt like i should be doing this masa mula-mula breakup, but i didn’t, oh well. macam one of kaoru’s comics — i cant remember which title — masa the girl fresh baru lepas breakup, pegi tengok wayang yang tak ramai orang pegi tengok, beli tiket untuk satu dan duduk mana suka lepas tu nangis puas-puas bertemankan tisu. sebab dalam panggung wayang tu gelap, takde sape akan nampak kita menangis.

okay, berbalik kepada first thing to do bila breakup. for me, pegi red box — yeahhh, red box sahaja yang afdal — gelapkan bilik, lepas tu pilih lagu membanjirkan bilik. satu lagu cukup untuk saya, dan senaraikan lagu tu one after another sampai lapan ratus kali atau selama empat jam. boleh mula melalak dan guling-guling atas sofa panjang warna hitam itu.

lagu pilihan saya, bila rasaku ini rasamu. video klip pun yang meruntun jiwa bila kau tengok perempuan tu all out silent screams bila lelaki itu dengan heyyy-rowwwnya mengorbankan diri untuk cinta.

tapi cobalah sejenak mengerti
sanggupkah engkau menahan sakitnya

mesti akan menangis sepuas-puasnya. tergolek-golek atas sofa tu sambil menghempas-hempas tapak tangan tak boleh terima kenyataan. tolak tarik rambut ke belakang, seka air mata dari pipi, tonyoh tisu pada hidung. layan kepala meremukkan hati habis-habisan sebab dah tak tau macam mana nak hidup lagi lepas terkhianati cinta yang kau jaga.

damn, bila fikir balik pada waktu itu, saat-saat pertama bersikap penuh penafian… menakutkan. serius tak tau nak hidup macam mana. punya lea rasa macam cuma tahu mengalirkan air mata je sepanjang hayat.

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i guess what i wanted from him is a full blown apology. he still owes me that. despite he treated me as so-called best friend, i supposed i am still spiteful when sometimes he forgot that i am not his girlfriend anymore. orang lain akan kata aku gila dan emosional sebab dengan engkau, dia tak macam tu. apa kau boleh nak faham kecamuknya perasaan aku? benda-benda yang aku suruh dia buat dulu, yang aku put forward, dia pandang remeh, acuh tak acuh dan anggap idea-idea tu membuang masa. jujurnya rasa diri diperlekehkan mentah-mentah apetah dia sedang bahagia goyang telor dengan orang lain. dan sekarang, dia sibuk dengan benda-benda yang aku suruh dia buat dulu. berbesar hati bercerita dengan aku. sampai aku yang rasa tak selesa. sebab aku bukan marketing executive dia lagi. bila orang puji, ntah kenapa aku rasa aku yang maukan kredit tu. tapi dia tetap rasa dia dah buat yang terbaik menjalinkan hubungan dengan aku. yang dia tak pernah selfish dengan aku.

bila rasaku ini rasamu, coba bayangkan kembali, betapa hancurnya hati ini kasih

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i may have not let you go yet because of that apology i want to hear so much. and it doesn’t at all mean that i still have feelings for you. i don’t. i’m just very bitter towards you.

closing chapters

oh, she had quite a day. happy, nonetheless.

mr big

so kan, i rasa, tadi i selisih dengan MM. gile sengal ini pun nak blog. i can imagine zarko rolling his eyes — lepas tu tarik visor mensilent shooterkan diri whateverokaynotmycupoftea.

takkk — berbalik kepada MM — macam ni keadaannya. sampai kj and nak turun tangga. saw this pair of shoes dengan seluar dilipat senteng menaiki tangga. it’s the boat shoes. navy. within that perimeter, berapa kerat sangat lelaki melayu pakai boat shoes dan menyentengkan seluarnya? hipsters masih lebih ramai lagi berlegar-legar dan berpeleseran di kj, i even have one in my household. itu pun dah nak convert to punk sejak mengenali sid vicious dan mengagumi gary oldman. gary oldman rawksss!

goes without saying — not a bapak orang, not a dato’ yang kereta-terkandas-tepi-highway-terpaksa-guna-pengangkutan-awam whateverrr. plus, that face from a nanosecond glance, the haircut, the messenger bag, the boat shoes… i just had the feeling it was MM. unless mamat tu chinese. but that’s unlikely.

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celebrity boyfie

how pathetic is my life actually if going to pasar malam near my haus felt like having the time of my life like the first time ron and hermione visited hogsmeade?

because seriously, that is a pasar malam. though i am looking forward to mengekor farsha and her sisters to their pasar malam where they have their own respective boyfriend selling baju, kunci and ikan respectively… or was it sayur and not ikan? tak ingat.

back to myyy pasar malam near my haus — it was enthralling, really, i’m not exaggerating. the sights and sounds, the smells and sights, the sights and sights! i think there were four stalls (i lost count) selling satay and imma sucha sucker for those sweetly-marinated grilled chicken bits with killer kuah kacang. and nasi impit or ketupat. and the stalls selling bowls of goodness, eh, tony? this is one place i will drag tony over and around the pasar malam, sampling this and that, especially his bowl of goodness.

and also, also, after we finished that trip to the pasar malam, i will ask mum to teach tony on how to properly kopek durian. there was this one time i marvelled at my mother’s skill, i don’t think i could ever figured out how to kopek this particular durian the way she did — ikut urat (buah durian). it was a good thing she married a kampung boy, else i wouldn’t know how to eat ikan keli, telur ikan duri, ikan patin, pulut kuning dengan ikan kering, gulai lemak telur itik blablabla…

and i really don’t think danya alhamrani was a good guide. she really isn’t… she’s almost as bad as andrew zimmern. so tony, follow moi, oui?

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the male models

sometimes, it is that obvious. really obvious, okay, it’s amusing.

there would be them guys passing by my side, making such distinguished presence to make sure i noticed them. okayyy, youre gorgeous, baby! and that’s just it. i’m not saying that i’m sucha hottie sampai terkial-kial those guys use the corner of his eyes to make sure i’m looking at him… but you know this kind of boyyysss.

yesss, you’re gorgeous. adonis. but you’re not hawt hawt hawt. you’re not even cold it’s freezing. very lukewarm. so-so.

that’s all.

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the seventh man

tangkap mirage?
kejar mirage?
nantikan mirage?
realisasikan mirage?

tutup mirage
tutup bab mirage
sebab mirage itu ilusi dan delusi
pegang asap
pegang kabus
buka genggaman menghilang terus

siang malam termimpi mimpi
pagi petang tercari cari
tiap saat ternanti nanti
kau masih tiada di sisi

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selipar guy

okayyy. tadi ade sorang. tu lea, biarkan lagi kepala take the upper hand. fikir dia pakai selipar je. selipar ape ni, bukan kerabat reef atau quiksilver, lebih pada selipar adidas atau asadi. hm, pemain bola atau pemain hoki? his three quarter pants. that face, that face, how old are you? maybe anak ikan ke?

tapi tahukan dia pandang dan pandang, hesitates nak keluar dari train, terus memandang. dan cik eksekutif ni, pandang orang acuh tak acuh, tunggukan orang lain keluar dulu dan bertanya pada diri sendiri mamat ni nak keluar ke tak? karang berlanggar sangat haru dari terharu.

arghhh, kan dia memandang-mandang tak lekang? kenapa tak balas pandang?

sebab otak sibuk berfikir. sibuk buat analisis sambil buat-buat cool. buruk perangai.

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one of these days — agaknya — i would be dancing my heart out tengah-tengah lrt dalam perjalanan pulang. or on the way to work. either which. music can really be uplifting and overwhelming, you just can’t keep it all to yourself.

kiss me all night don’t ever let me go