i would like to suggest this —
when you are being paranoid about him cheating on you, you will find yourself that eventually, the one who was cheating… is you.
you can get ahead of the game, but by subconsciously mirroring him as well. when you find yourself that you could just not control the situation, that you are so lifeless you heart hardly beats, just let it be. what’s more important is to save yourself. even though you have been ahead of him — spy works, et cetera — and beat him to it, catching him red-handed, you will still end up exhausting yourself.
and this is when you need you the most. you have no idea just how much you have exhausted yourself. you need all the energy to build back the space of what you know you have already lost — which crumbles you — even though it is not staring you in the face just yet. but we are women, we just know — we have the six hundred sixty-sixth instinct (exaggerate).
it’s a vicious cycle. i know it’s like you could never breathe again, think again, love again, find someone else better. you can’t sleep or you cried yourself to sleep. you could cry while you’re driving. you could cry just in the middle of nothing.
but let it go. it is true that you shouldn’t bitch. you shouldn’t crawl back. you should just move on. you should just let go. but during that period of doing so… i know it’s hard. like there could never be sunshine again.
but there will be.
there will be.
but you have to work hard.
even if you have the whole army supporting you, it never actually really starts, if it didn’t come from you first.
though some people still deserve it… and it’s utterly delicious to carry it out. haha.