replay, replay, replay

tonight i’m tangled in my blanket of clouds
dreaming aloud

things just won’t do without you, matter of fact
i’m on your back

if you walk out on me
i’m walking after you
if you walk out on me
i’m walking after you

if you’d accept surrender, i’ll give up some more
weren’t you adored

i cannot be without you, matter of fact
i’m on your back

if you walk out on me
i’m walking after you
if you walk out on me
i’m walking after you

another heart is cracked in two
i’m on your back

what i feel like doing —
getting lost in all the pictures in my tumblr queue
drowned in my own tears (have to cry all out first, but the urge is yet to come in full force)
reading back all his letters but i think i know it by heart

why do i have this urge to end my life the soonest possible

there is this overwhelming feeling of missing someone so much i just couldn’t breathe. it makes me realize that he needs to save my day today, just as many times he had mentioned that i have saved his’.

i wish that i am in his flat, with that liana tree he has as his lamps’ holder, cuddled and safe and warm in his arms and he would just let me cry and cry and cry with no questions asked. seamlessly tucking away all my baggage, disposing it in his place with no qualms.

i’m replaying all the things that had happened to me before, only it is a set of compressed/crammed/combined minisodes. there’s a more matured control in handling it, there’s no feeling of the pain but the mind just couldn’t be bothered with it and the watergate just cannot be stopped.
it’s possible for me to not feel the pain but wanting to cry. it’s a separate entity to start with, and i have always love to cry and have also getting to become this person who is not easily pained, because these days it takes more.

however, he has those things and i have mine that we both know couldn’t work, won’t work and we both understand that it will never happened. but the hearts are lonely and it searches out what it wanted and found it and keep it close so that it will keep pulsating. the heart just don’t lie and can’t deny that no matter how much it tries to be neutral if not rejecting it, that this thing which you may called love is the blood that pumps you.

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