If you are at first lonely, be patient.
If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were you were not okay with it, then just wait.
You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.
We can start with the acceptable places — the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there.
Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books, you’re not suppose to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.
There is also the gym — if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.
There’s public transportation — we all gotta go places.
And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.
Things you may have previously avoided based on avoid-being-alone principles.
The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouse works across town, and they, like you, will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.
When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out to dinner to a restaurant with linen and silver wear.
You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger.
In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies.
Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst fleeting community.
And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you.
Dance like no one’s watching because they are probably not.
And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions.
The way bodies move genuinely move to beats, after-all, is gorgeous and affecting.
Dance till you’re sweating.
And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things.
Down your back, like a book of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself.
Society is afraid of alone though.
Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements.
Like people must have problems if after awhile no one is dating them.
But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.
You can stand swaffed by groups and mobs and hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.
But no one is in your head.
And by the time you translate your thoughts, an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept.
Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.
Cause if you’re happy in your head, and solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.
It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences are unique, no one has the same synopsis can’t think like you, this me/ be ?, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things ?, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, the community is not present, just take back to you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.
Take silence and respect it, if you have an art that needs practice stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.
You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it, if your heart is bleeding, make the best of it, there is heat and freezing be a testimate.
how to be alone by tanya davis
i guess some parts are missing or incorrect… i just like this as a guide. i’ve always like being alone, having all the time and spaces all to myself. but right now, heart is so aching for someone a few thousand miles apart, thinking that, i want to do all of the above with him. something different, where everything that is familiar to me changed to something unknown, but i just can’t wait to take it all in. and taking it all in with that one particular person — who, with only the simplest things he does, makes me smile a thousand mega-watt smile.