i realized, that i keep on browsing and surfing and go back to my work, checked my inbox, checked my facebook, back to surfing, back to inbox, facebook, work, trying to find articles i could read online; something wholesome so i go to nymag.com; the only site i could think of… and trying to recall as many online blogs as i can, wanting to buy something new for a glorious occasion. it’s been a while.

the brain’s dead tired and keep yawning but the eyes keep awake like it has a life on its own and here i am, typing away. i think what i want to say out loud is too long and not really self-explanatory if i just tweet and too controversial to put on facebook. but here goes, aku rasa lately,

currently, selera aku is european men.

there. european, okay. memang aku boleh berhenti bersembang atau teruskan bersembang (jika perlu) while multitasking watching that caucasion man (or men) who is (orare“, apply accordingly) passing by. oui.

excited, yeah. tapi tak seteruk dulu masa dengan chap — terkinja-kinja. ntah ape akan jadi lepas ni pun tak heran sangat. the golden rule always apply — if the guys wants it, he will go for it. another new golden rule — it’s not what he says or what he does to you, it’s whatever he’s doing and not doing when you are around. you are around. the point is, he’s there within your vicinity. he wants you to know he’s there.

somehow pun, rasa sangat… tak endah. tak mampu dan tak larat nak melayan. menyusahkan, memberatkan, merimaskan — bai bai bai.

dah tak heran telefon yang tak berdering 168 jam straight. campak phone ke mana pun takde hal. lagi penting kad touch-n-go. buat seketika bila dia start cuti, i just… want… to be… in a bubble. takde sapa dapat reach over, penetrate, spoil my thoughts. mahu seronok-seronok saja. lukis-lukis pelangi. ulang-ulang-ulang. and then buat seketika, bila sesuatu itu berlaku, terasa anticipation bila dia pulang dari cuti nanti. mesti overexcited. kelakar — dah lama tak berperasaan begini. agak nice, eh.

shoot. i still haven’t check out the french on youtubes.

vous les gars sont tous des connards.

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