truthly honestful

This is more for me than anyone else but I just need to say it anyway.

I miss being in love or at least really really liking someone. That anticipation of talking to them, or finding out something new about them, or even just seeing them made most days a little brighter. That feeling where you feel like your ribcage isn’t big enough for your heart anymore and it hurts, but it feels so good you don’t want it to stop & your cheeks hurt from smiling & it’s all you think about for the next few days.

I thought I’d found it recently with this guy & I have that feeling, but I can’t help but wonder whether it’s just me thinking I like him because I want to like someone. I’ve tried analysing myself because he’s really not my usual type at all but idk, I think maybe because I don’t know him that well, I’m building him up into something he’s not & I’ll inevitably be let down. I don’t know what to do…

I’ve been heartbroken once & I don’t really want to be again (because I’m 99% sure he doesn’t like me, but being a typical girl I’m holding out for 1%) but I think I’m in love with the idea of love. & I’m sick of everyone around me either liking someone or having someone like them.

Stupid. stupid. stupid.

source

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