smile, and let him have it

if you are one such professional positive mental guru, but you can’t handle me — that doesn’t make you a fucking expert in life so shut it.

who are you to tell me to loosen up, that i am too stressed about everything? haven’t it crossed your open-minded mind that you are only seeing me during these fucking messed up periods?  do you call me to just really chit chat every other day? do you ask me out on weekends? do we ever spend some fucking time when i am not that messed up for you to tell me how my emotions are right now? i don’t even look for you when i’m downtrodden like this but every time we meet when i am sane, you just love to rub it all over my face.

don’t show it so obvious that you know everything. most people hate the know-it-alls.

when you’re on the phone, you’re on the phone. you’re just as rude as the person who fucking cuts queue when you leave the person on the other line hanging just to remind me by telling me off that i should stop saying negative things as it will only attracts negative energy — people are not that impressed to know that this is the way you’re showing off that you’re very busy and important.

what makes you think it will get more positive with your approach of irritating and annoying people all the time? does this kind of things feed you positivity? isn’t it outrageously fucking ironic?

if you are that a jovial and take-it-easy kind of person, you would take that invite to be my fake boyfriend and play along for the drama. it doesn’t have to be all that heavy and soapy, that’s why they have dramedy and i prefer that genre very much, so blow me out of my mind with your fucking humour that i know you got it but you always chose to preach me like i need it. newsflash, i’m not that even a friend to you because each time we meet you love to irritate the hell out of me. or ignore me as you like it.

so i take your fucking valid question seriously because i weight and i note and i chose the words i’m going to use to answer your dammit question because it somewhat sums all about my current state including my past and my expectations for future. so i take my life fucking seriously when you don’t take mine seriously. why the hell would you care anyways?

i love to cry, i heart to cry, i enjoy crying and i indulge in my tears but that doesn’t make me weak at all. it’s God given gifts to us all and you just don’t know how to use it because it won’t go with your six-pack very well. so you think.

not everyone has gone through what you went through so bear in that fucking pricking mind of yours that not everyone has your level of patience and stealth of what has built you as of now when we will just break down when we’ve had enough. stop saying good things, for once just shut up and give your friend a hug.

then again, you’re just unable to express physical affection. that is why kau always keras dan teknikal.

what makes you think this is all me that you’re getting and made you think that you are automatically privileged to judge me wholefully just because you’ve been through mooooooooooooooooooore than i do?

oh, oh! this is me. i am not mad at you. this is me. and i’m talking about you with all the honesty and truthfulness. see, i’m not angry nor mad.

i may not experienced the real blast of going through the pain of divorce but i get the idea how hard it is and at this point of my life i just want to have fun, all the drama i can get and i am not that hard up to have a man in my life right now, i just need a friend. when it’s hard, it does gets really hard so i’m trying to cope with it and it is never fucking easy but i still need to cross this bridge to reach to that other end that is as vague as looking through a thick fog. you should just shut up and walk with me.

these are my thoughts about you, so what say you? oh, wait a second. i don’t give a fucking damn because i hate people like you. so go and fucking die already.


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