blairdamnation

suessy thinks no one is good enough for her, not even her imaginary boyfriend.

i find them old, ancient, freakin’friggin’superold that when i talked about how men amuses me or annoys me — it gets people to judged me being desperate or scrutinizing every man as the potential ones. truth is, right now or as i have said it earlier — no one is good enough. i will say it out loud,

impress me.

these days, i am neither looking nor considering anyone — new or old — as a possible potential. observe the word possible okay — that’s the operative word. ertinya sangat jauh for moi to even think of anyone being potential. nggak ada.

nggak.

this afternoon i had a painful conversation with anysz who’s being over-protective about me.

moi: thanks, babe, i will never stop needing it. but may i suggest that you don’t have to be over-protective about it. when i’m talking about A, how much he annoys me, it has got nothing to do with opposite attractions. i just want to bitch about him with you.

anysz: but you sedang menyamakan A with X, Y, and Z. those three — they were your almost boyfriends. why then you menyamakan A with these three — he is not one that you are considering?

moi: nooo. it just so happened that i am comparing A with those three. because there are similarities between these four ass. if i can compare A with pharhunt, i will do it, or any similarities with arwah, i will do so — but i am feeling how i am feeling when i was with those three as of now i am being with A.

anysz: but i am not hearing about how your girlfriends annoy you, like, example roha said something that buat kau terasa or nurlin do something to you — don’t get me wrong, i’m glad… but i keep listening about you complaining of your guyfriends… adakah farizz dan elyas melayan kau dengan baik?

moi: are you kidding me? they are the best! elyas, farizz, sazali. hm, i could only think of those three right now. they treat me the best. always the gentleman, caring, layankan saja kepala aku, dengar aku menangis, without prejudice, supportive, always encouraging. farizz in his ari gold ways and immortal words — challenge yourself, suessy. that’s one of the best piece of advice i have ever received.

anysz: you’re sure, suessy… i am just looking after you. i think i can foresee where your bitching about A is going… subconsciously maybe sebenarnya kau suka dia. kau bukannya rapat dengan dia but yet he leaves such impact on you. sampai kau nak bercerita pasal dia.

moi: it is just like you bitching about another girl — or a friend, tak kisah lea lelaki atau perempuan. takde kena mengena with attractions or potentials. then again, aku tak boleh lawan lea subconscious part tu, itu expertise kau aku tak berani nak cakap. but no…

anysz: he does has your favourite features. i see it as you opted to be friends with him only after you have ticked that he is not your type, else you would be going for him. besides, i don’t want him to get it wrong from you.

moi: then, that is just his problem to terperasan lebih, don’t you think?

anysz: suessy, i just don’t want people to get you wrong.

-_-“) … it will be like this from now on —

truthfully, i don’t give a fuck in the world of what people who just knew me to think of me. to judge me — go ahead. i don’t bother to go the extra mile unless i think you can have some piece of me — meaning you earned it. regardless men or women — especially men lea since aku sentiasa merasakan mereka the constant opportunists — you don’t get a piece of me for nothing. not if you are family, friends, cats, or my boss.

i said it so i felt it like this ever since anysz’s birthday. why would i need to invite along a potential or a scandal? as long as i’m with my girlfriends, i am guaranteed a good time, lots of laughs and good cameras. that’s enough. for me to bring along someone, he gotta be worthy for my circle — i’m just exclusive like that.

and when R did came along and made me cry, that’s it. the last of being diperlekehkan for any man’s fucking selfish ego. i will never want to be treated any less. especially by men. this is why i said i want to be single until i am 30. i am having too much fun. having a guy tagging along feels like he would limits my freedom.

even on my birthday pun not one man came to my mind — during my birthday wish (even to at least get to meet ebizo ichikawa xi) or them asking, “do you want to invite R? do you want to invite anyone or not?”. i just won’t let any man ruined my party — it’ll be worth making it to my blairdamnation list and trust moi you don’t want to go there because i’m one very happy-trigger-fingers writing down your name on it and enjoy executing your sentences the ruthless way you’ll sufer the most.

the olds, i am not considering for recycling purposes at all. unless, in my favourite words — convince me otherwise if you may.

as of now, only my family and girlfriends matter to moi. and my work, my boss, my cats. yes, my boss. i know i’m crazy like that or even if i were being duped, i’ll milk its worth.

then again, i won’t ever defy the power of love. kalau ada, ada lea. he must be worth it that i would let my guard down.

and also, the guy i am so freakin’ annoyed with — i always know that he’s a bigger man than to say out loud lame jokes like that. i want to be with him the bigger man, not the lesser, pathetic one — am i supposed to be impressed or what? please stop moi from rolling my eyes each time you received (multiple) instant orgasms at each sight of a damn pretty chinese gal.
suggesting me being jealous? don’t go there, dude… don’t go there…

and them who amuses moi, i’m happy enough to have them only when they make me happy. i don’t have to keep them around when they are moody or grumpy — that’s what their girlfriend is for. i don’t have any patience to deal with men meroyan-ness right now.

henceforth, tata men and hello 20-10-2010! i’m just gonna have fun. in my favourite mantra, buy a bag and get over it (baca: online shopping) — so screw my nu year’s resolution already.

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