rage against the masculine

yeah ha ha, i’m a feminist now… not.

i’m going through another phase that i just can’t help it. i hate the reality of how men sees me as a bestie rather than a girlfie which prompted me to feel very resentful and like being took advantage of by them — arent all men very fcuking opportunistics anywaysss — so i’m building these walls like transparent shields around me, and that i am not allowing anyone having a piece of me. at all.
in the mean time, i am in my own kingdom within these transparent walls and just let me be queen blair cornelia waldorf.

i have felt like this much more strongly and adamant ever since anysz’s birthday, that i don’t really need R to be there as my partner as much as cordee asking and aneeza double checking now and then. i couldn’t care less.
for the past birthdays, i have been pretty damn delirious all the time, had good sleeps, coffees and late lunches. as long as there’s the girls, euphoria and camwhoring activity — especially when there’s elyas and sala who is ever obliging in snapping us up in frames — i’m good.
and when R did turn up he made me cry and at that point of time i started to truly hated him and resented him — especially the fact that he made me fcuking cry.

no, thank you. not ever anymore.

ever since then, i just started to hate men who warms up to me and decides that i am only one of the options when seriously — trust me i know what i‘m getting at — in so many ways, they lose big time. all the time. compared to what i have to offer. it’s revolting to the point that i am not even looking twice.

the only one i’m considering — if there is ever — one who looks like ichikawa ebizo xi. taunt whatever, he who looks like one will be the only person i’m responding to if you are not my family, my friends, my boss, or my cats.