firefighter no. three

mengah. sesak nafas. sakit dada. terlampau stress this time around. tak sangka it totally gets me. letih dengan kerja. letih fikir mana nak cari duit bayar hutang. letih tidur tak nyenyak sebab otak sepanjang masa beroperasi sampai mimpikan yang bukan-bukan sehingga minit-minit terakhir yang dibenarkan untuk tidur sebelum mulanya bergopoh-gapah bersiap untuk ke tempat kerja. lepas tu meragam tak cukup tido. makan pun missed.

pretty hectic week.

mula-mula agak profesional dan cool, calm and collected mengharungi segala bullshits, hiccups and shortcomings. until that one last straw which broke the camel’s back. floodgate terus open, menangis meraung nak lepaskan lelah tapi masih rasa tebal dalam diri, kecewa, kesal dan amarah berbaki. yang aku rasakan agak bersebab, dan mampu justify… but still felt fcuked up and messed up.

find a meroyan buddy. find a punching bag volunteer. yeahhh, thank god for zarko.

but then, tiba-tiba aku teringat elyas. macam aku boleh bayangkan he said, “siapa sue? siapa buat kau menangis? nanti aku pegi belasah dia!”

aku admit aku tak pernah tau dan sangka elyas sesensitive seperti mana he actually is. anysz commented that he is very family-oriented. dia memang sangat concern of his girlfriend’s girlfriends’ being. dan juga aku rasa sangat amusing seeing it coming from someone like him — aku memang baru nak kenal elyas.

macam bila aku cakap aku felt almost paralyzed masa migraine due to asap rokok — elyas never stopped campaigning the fact to every one everytime one starts to light one up in my presence. the least dia akan tanya, “ko okay tak, sue?” masa birthday cordee dan dalam bilik kedap udara tu, he took the initiative to smoke inside the toilet — for the first time aku tak rasa bothered langsung dengan sinki berhabuk rokok.

and that night after the last time we went to soho and aku overnight with someone, he was totally concern about the company i was with. aneeza and him took a good look at the make of the car, the registration number and the profile before they took off.

and then, the lunch we all had kat chow kit, he helped to separate the tables so that aku tak perlu duduk at the next table sengsorang and we alllll can eat together like one big family. papa bear lea elyas tu, haha… ntah lea spontan je keluar the nickname.

pastu aku teringat elyas commented sambil dia belek the necklace anysz gave moi, the bangle aku beli kat forever 21 and jam solvil aku yang aku letak tepi laptop dia, “banyak betul aksesori kau sekarang, sue.” and aku cakap aku tak macam ni masa in the last relationship because that’s not what the boyfriend likes, so sekarang aku beli dan pakai je apa yang aku suka dan nak melaram. “kenapa dia tak suka kau pakai rantai, pakai bracelet semua? ni yang boyfriend yang kau nak belikan kasut tu, eh? kenapa yea, dia macam tu?”

it comes to a point also that, aku sangat care to know what elyas thinks of my future possible boyfriend. heard it from the grapevine that elyas don’t fancy this particular guy yang aku rasa aku suka lah kot. i know elyas boleh dibawa berbincang pretty simply so i asked him about it point blank. as predicted, it was nothing of the truth — pada aku elyas is totally sensible and rasional, and that guy is just an ordinary guy without much fuss… i’m glad. and yeahhh, aneeza doesn’t get it why it would matter if elyas doesn’t like the guy i’m dating — it matters to me not only of elyas’ thoughts, but also the other six people i heart close to me to like, approve or at least get along with my future possible boyfriend. penting.

and now… it’s just that after melekit-lekit muka menangis tak sudah sampai tak boleh nak pujuk diri sendiri and tenangkan hati… aku teringat elyas. he’s funny and amusing like that. and a totally good friend. i’m happy for aneeza to have him.

yup witzwicky, thanks for listening through, ;-)!

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