super extra gravity

cuzn M: suraya, cepat, bagi tarikh birthday boyfriend you! i want to calculate the compatibility of the two of you.
moi: oh, i takde boyfriend.
saynut: dia memang tak ade boyfriend. skandal boleh, skandal?
cuzn M: tak bolehhh.
saynut: alaaa, boleh lea!
moi: oh, takdetakde! i’m clean. i takde skandal, takde affair, takde flings, takde boyfriend.
cuzn M: sesiapa yang you ada minat ke… prospects?
moi: ohhh, masih terlalu terlalu awal!

(dalam kepala)
terlalu awal itu betul. tapi dia itu juga, hm…. aku main kira-kira huruf, campur-campur, then dapat peratus kemungkinan dia menyukai aku (80% and above is a go, 80% ke bawah say sayonara) pun aku dapat 50% … hik hik. as much as aku menunggu dia setiap kali, stalk dia sampai aku pun tak teringat bila aku bookmarked his fb page (in my defense: kelakuan luar sedar), melompat gembira kearnaban bila dia tanyakan tentang aku… tapi, hmmm.

sekaranglah aku faham the need to buat berkawan dulu. ya, kali ini saya tidak mat saleh sesangat boleh terus flirt, letak tangan di pinggang dan terus makeout dalam public toilet. haha! karut.

according to aneeza, aku lebih grounded kali ini. to anysz aku pledge (based on her remarks, “you need to grow up suessy!” which i take to heart after thorough evaluation), i am not allowing myself this happiness. roha: who are you dating this time?! i am sooo curious!  — buat pertama kalinya dan dengan bersungguh aku cakap kat roha, “no one! there’s no one! i am not seeing anyone right now!”

i realized, i was fiercely telling myself to learn from the past recent mistakes, was okayyy with the fact that we’re friends — dia boleh sebut statement tu sampai ke cerah, aku tak akan patah hati langsung. at times bila aku start depressed dan stressed aku akan breathe his name, lepas tu akan automatically ingatkan diri aku yang aku boleh rawat diri sendiri dengan tentang diri aku sendiri. i can breathe his name later — when i am with him, regardless as friends or more. but right now, this is all about me and i am my own love. the nice things he unknowingly did for moi: yeah, it was nice — and that’s just it.

aku dah lama tak rasa ultimate satisfaction going all out for someone — equivalent to apa yang aku rasa masa tonton scene miyama kejarkan ke tempat kejadian masa keita pengsan, reiko dan toshiro embraced sepuasnya sebelum toshiro berlepas for his suicide mission, and bila sam gained consciousness and the first thing he said to mikaela is “i love you too.”

aku heart line mikaela — who else can be your girlfriend?

cuzn M: hmmm… elemen you logam, dia — air. air akan kontrol logam. not good.

moving on …