you do not want to die. yet.

to all who came across moi and read moi especially at the time i am choosing suicide over everything else, please note that —

  • this blog is my escapism. i believe you are smart enough to know that.
  • in no way supports suicide. it is against my belief and the thought that i would never be allow to even smell Heaven stops me from even attempting it.
  • please read this when you do feel suicidal.
  • i believe this is what you actually feels — “Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
  • other people are being selfish, why not you? pull yourself together and live for yourself. there is no one else worth dying for. no one. no. one.
  • when my world was torn apart a year ago, i realize that i am blessed to have wonderful family and friends, who never abandons me when i once abandoned them. that event turned out to be a life-changing one for me. as much as i still slipped now and then, again and again or being dumped by loyal girlfriends or not talking to my mum for days… the break up was worth it. there is no good reason at all that can top what i have right now just for the suicide act. nothing in this world. nothing.
  • go back to yourself. all this mess might have started from you. acknowledge it. that’s power.
  • go back to your Creator. HE has all the answers.

i believe this —

You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die – it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights… no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.