the idyllic saturday morning

i lurrrve suerie for knowing moi would be lonely without my cats if i were stranded on an island with her and i take it as a sarcastic compliment from farizz that i would be bringing the notebook and lots of batteries so i can watch my escapism shows and i lurrrve him more for predicting i would become a vip in ten years time… whou hu hu!

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in denial am i… if he were the reason my work is failing the performances… put him aside, does this means i don’t deserve this happiness? would this also means i have to be mourning and forlorn and scathy all the time to ensure a stable and stellar performances because it will ensure my regular pay which i would need to continue living? this is f.o.s.

roha: it’s normal for the malays, other people who’s pinning on you… to just find a cause, pinpoint at something. nobody who doesn’t know you the way we do would want to see you happy.

jadinya aku ini sedang sentiasa on cloud nine, sentiasa tersenyum, somebody yang buat aku betul-betul ketawa, dan mampu melupakan everything else… to the point that aku tak nak appear to him in vulnerable state atau menangis-nangiskan tentang soal lain… sebab the definition of being with him is happiness… i hate to mix things up.

betapa aku sangat mengsegmentkan everything in life currently. work is work — it’s fucked and done once i’m out of the lift. skool is skool. my family is my family — reminders of who you are, who’s your flesh and blood, who loves you unconditionally and takes you in with that dentally challenged feature and unknown slang. my girlfriends, my guyfriends — the figures in my life who made me who i am today and constantly on forced observations, contributing thoughts and suggestions, my mentors on almost everything in life.

the one thing yang aku takut nak admit is that… since now i think i just lurrrve to dolled up, i’m in constant fear that people are looking at me as this bimbo yang tak reti buat kerja. yes, that scares the hell out of me. but then i soon forget about it the moment i stepped outside the lift, and spends the whole time at my favourite playground with that one person who’s by my side while my fgk-s are currently m.i.a. and the cashmere mafias are far away here and there. i thought i would be tunggang-terbalik this weekend… but i’m feeling sooo idyllic. and nice.

the saturday morning. laundry. kitz-feeding. kemas bilik. bathe luxuriously and the whole works. pick an outfit to prance around the house. the decadent breakfast while watching my favourite show. occasional texts and chats that is not prolonged so as not to overwhelms moi. scheduling dates, luncheons, holidays, nights out. the coffeee. darling moeli who is learning to be a lady at the table. the kitz everywhere… kenya on my bed, monti by the scratching post, sophie tiptoe-ing/galloping towards me, luesi popping here and there or all of them when i’m at the porch doing laundry. the soothing music that is of estrella’s take it slow and ternyata, dustin o’halloran’s opus 23, dario marinelli’s dawn, eric serra’s heat, joeystarr and dj spank’s presentation des personages… so idyllic. so everything at its place. my own space and time. my own escape.