highly hormonal

write. slowly. write very. slowly. i knowww. you have such a rapid speed of thinking and talking and typing that in the end when it is put together, it became — what the hell is she babbling about?

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…repeat, i m not looking for a boyfriend, i want a lifetime partner but not that i’m rushing things either. i would like to get to know the prospectable life partner…

sazali: kenapa kau asyik repeat statement tu?

…because i don’t want a boyfriend. boyfriend is menyusahkan. ever since the break up, i have had wonderful, wonderful trips. i was having sooo much fun. i didn’t have to bother about updating my whereabouts, nursed after a sulking boyfriend because i didn’t picked up the call, stopped conversations with my girlcuzns, i was really… all out! makan, tido, bathtubbing, reading, chasing waves, sleeping in the car, driving — and nooo, i do not like — i hate it — to have to talk to the boyfriend when he calls my cellphone while i am inside the car with the family or when there’s my family having to listened to me coo-cooing which i deeply sympathised that my family had to listened to moi even though they would play deaf but i would be ultra embarassed especially to the woman who gave birth to moi and i do not apologize that my respect towards my families overwhelms my love to the boyfriend that i would just not speak to the boyfriend on the cellphone while i am in the car with my family or anywhere with my family having to hear the damn conversations, but since he insisted, i didn’t made him having to settle with a cold bitch. for that particular moment.

oui, i say it that i am that selfish. but this is the only time i will be spending with my girlfriends, my families, myself… it’s not that i don’t love you, i just want to get away, i want my ‘me’ time, i want my fucking space. i never bother you when your friends came over for the weekend — for god sake i was glad kau ade aktiviti. kalau kau nak sangat ada dengan aku 24-7, fine, seal the deal. you know what it takes — my mum, a degree or more is better — and that it’s the end of your asshole-ism. not that i’m saying once dah kawin tu there are no hiccups anymore… there will be but there’s always sex and proximity which helps a lot, compensating, balancing — which is granted based on fitrah manusia and the nikmat of being in holy matrimony. and not that we are not seeing my family and friends anymore after we got married… he’d better be prepared with an azubirian social event calendar the way i would for his side of the family/friends/work colleagues/obsession.

right now, aku just tak sanggup nak ade boyfriend and aku pun tak tau sape yang sanggup nak ade dengan aku.

moi: aku tengah meragammm right now, think you can handle me?
…aah, takde masalah!

my rock… i just like it the way he simply keep it short and simple and told me to have fun. yesss, itu baru je on the surface, belum two to four years of relationship but i like it like that. tak menyusahkan langsung.

i think i’ve become much more selfish and vaaaiiinnn, more sarcasms and just a little bit more ego. but there was one who took me by surprise that he could see the humour side of it when i thought he would have despised me for being sooo spiteful. what a soulmate, ooh la la!

Sengih la sorang2 hari ni :p

roha, 07122008, 12:41:53pm

…in so many ways taken for granted, i am glad that i did not succumb to temptations the way i would years ago… that i deserved the bigger prize… that there are certain someones that made me believe i do not have to settle for less.

i think so. for now, i think i’m done preaching.

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sazali: aku tak suka bila kau pakai shirt kat dalam and jumper kat luar. aku tak suka two piece kau tu.

…it’s a simple get up that goes a long way… just why don’t you like it?

sazali: ntah, aku rasa it’s a fashion crime. mungkin sebab aku banyak sangat tengok channel…. ntah channel ape ntah kat astro tu…

…nahhh, kau tak faham pun ape yang kau tengok… forget it!

anysz: wowww, jujur ya sazali tu…

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moi: he asked if i would mind to naik motor to go to the party.
anysz: seriously.
moi: yeahhh… so i said, “yes, i do fucking mind, don’t worry i will just pick you up“. aku ade kereta dan tak perlu menyusahkan diri sendiri. bukan aku undermining orang yang ada motor but to test whether aku sanggup bersusah senang dengan dia that way, is so olddd. ade banyak lagi cara lain, aku dah lama passed that with flying colours.
anysz: true… and bukan jugak meng-undermining orang yang ada motor, tapi memang… tak manis lah naik motor. somehow, nampak tak cantik naik motor.
moi: true… that just goes way back in the old days… the ground rule.

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i like to doll up,
i like to celebrate,
i like to converse,
i like to lunch, to dinner…
just for one time… it’s rude to say no strings attached, it’s only about companionship… a very good one… and for now i am content with being just that… i don’t have to go home and thinking — OMG, he likes akademi fantasia … … … owh, thank god hes not my boyfriend — it just ends there but can be repeated — well, it’s inevitable, with no strings attached.

cuzn w: you’re still single?
moi: yeahhh…
cuzn w: yang hari tu, tu?
moi: as you say it… just. for. the day.

+ + +

not that i am losing faith… this is just a phase. but possible to last.

i just don’t want to sakit jiwa bercinta. i’d rather the edginess of the first date, the possibly listed, the he’s-just-not-that-into-you reasons, the non-committings, the thank-god-i-don’t-have-to-do-what-a-girlfriend-is-expected-to-do, the thank-god-i-didn’t-get-serious-with-him-who-would’ve-known-that-he’d-turned-up-like-zat?!.

mudah.

lonely — so what, tido je… esok adalah hari baru, with HIS Consent. each time i learn and just feel much more grateful that i am not hurting inside, that i am happy instead and much more content just being me and procrastinating with my felines and buying Mum birkins and having conversations with my girlcuzns and girlfriends without the fucking call from the boyfriend — yeah, i’ve always hated being interrupted like that.

+ + +

i find that a warm and approachable man who works with the national gas company or the government is much more desirable than a dylan mcdermott lookalike. that will usually confirms a stable financial life, beautiful kids, and a house with at least six rooms everywhere your husband is stationed.

that’s just my conclusion.

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yes, i believe cheating is genetic. besides peer pressure.

aah simply. men will tagged women as being complicated and nagging but the truth is we think like lawyers do, six steps ahead. we tell you where you would go wrong but you tagged us nagging. we saw how things would turned out, we sat through the worst things that happened unto others — our friends, someone i know, someone you know — and ended up, we’re one of them too — because you’re always the bigger fool — and somebody else is seeing and sitting through the final horrible affair of us before we parted. we told you, you will regret… not now, but you just sooo will regret it.

i believe there are men who do think six steps ahead… only that you are not one of them.

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i am missing my ro-ck-ha. isn’t that brilliant? i was already missing roha as i saw her off chasing erl, i truly meant my i-love-you to her, and i was glad she granted me a second hug before she left for ten weeks in aussie, and that afterwards… agak psycho, i smelled her perfume or the detergent she used at her house now and then. what the hell am i going to do without her… then again, she’s going to make a baby… so, go girl!

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it was a colourful experience taking the lrt going to kl sentral. the lrt and kl sentral are off limits. i dare not to look up when i’m inside the lrt because i do not want to revisit certain particular distasteful parts. but it was exhilirating. wondering if there could be love started in the train; with a hardworking man making honest living, kind, thoughtful, a gentleman, passing bangunan angkasapuri; and thought of a particular pleasant exchange of conversation with someone i never know or ask of his name, listening to the radio dept’s keen on boys and just relished the idyllic moment.

thank god i won’t have to do it again. it was just that one time, for roha only. else, pick me up in a continental.

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i suppose i love to utilise a huge bathroom. a bathtub, a huge mirror, a shower, a toilet, a hairdryer. i hog hotel suite bathrooms. lately sentiasa ade rezeki that we stayed in suites. which feeds my konon-konon marie antoinette ego.

sekarang suessy dah reti nak iron rambut, curl bulu mata, experiment eye shadow colours, loaded on lip gloss and more often than not, she is always mascara-overdosed.

sazali: apesal bulu mata kau nampak pelik hari ni?

anysz: wowww, jujur ya sazali tu…

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i feel somewhat hollow inside. somewhat like blair. kehilangan chuck bass. the thought that he at least acknowledged how blair deserved better menyebabkan dia sentiasa dimaafkan even though he left her — again. urghh, update me when there’s the announcement of a third season, or that there’s a season 2 part 2.

not that i lost anyone, but i have not been blogging. so i felt a piece of me is missing. that was why i felt hollow.

i thinks it’s a sign. yeahhh, i did lost someone, actually, but HE gave moi my cousin who is now sooo overdosed with gossip girl she doesn’t want to stop intoxicated with UESes. it was also a sign that tiba-tiba after almost six months, danity kane’s damaged, simple plan’s your love is a lie and what was the other song… berkumandang again which just proved how similar of a charlatanists the ex-boyfriend and the ex-BFF is.

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patut suruh yao ming baling kasut kat bush. pasti tepat, and let’s see what bush has to joke about an 18 US shoe size.

the bigger the shoe size, the bigger the cock!!!

one of the gay friends who guessed very excitedly the factorfiction wheel of fortune style game
at aris mansion, a game night organized illegally by lloyd, entourage episode 59
easily the funniest entourage episode

which reminds me, i must get moi a  pair of lesportsac canvas shoe.

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heyyy there, so nice to hear from you… although I think u’ve sent this poem before… must be your favourite lea… haha!

anyway, saw HH’s latest pix as the pengapit… OMG, he’s sooo…. even anysz pun cakap dia charming. okay, i nak pegi pengsan dulu ~~~

have fun!