“fucking”, yeah, i like to say that

ughhh i hate this feeling when you’re sooo pissed with those closest to you, i’m sounding like the fucking anggerik, i’m aware of that.

i’m sick to the bones, the tummy’s upset, i kept gagging, my lips are doing the sahara, my head’s throbbing to the point that i understand what people meant when they say their head’s about to blown off.

little tolerance i have for everything. i don’t want to reason, to argue, to convince, to fill in the details. the answer is either yes, or, no, so i can’t fucking decide whether i want to go to jakarta this february or not, looking from the fucking financial standing of mine, it’s pretty much constrained so the answer is fucking no. when you gave me the suggestion that i should just purchased the goddamn ticket first, and kumpul duit sementara the coming month after i have said no, i don’t appreciate it when you asked later, “nak tak?” after i’ve already said whatever to your suggestion.

and no — to another you, not the same person of the jakarta trip organizer — i don’t like it that you have been pretty fucking selfish after what i’ve done for you… to the point that i woke up after the sleepless sleep at 3 am in the morning crying because my temperature goes up to 38 going 40 and scared if the meningitis came back attacking me and nobody would know because i sleep fucking alone and my Mum would be traumatic because the last time i fitted, we were lucky because Mum’s sister and sister-in-law who are nurses were there, and i was at the family’s raya gathering and it took six men to carried me out of the house to the ambulance because my strength was as much as to punched a dr romel and broke the syringe in two. back to the i woke up crying because i was too uncomfortably heated up inside, i thought of you, and how that you are all alone, without your housemate and without your bf, and your parents are only coming over the next day, how’d it be like for you to be me, crying to yourself because you’re sick, you body’s screaming because it’s sooo heated up, poor you… at least my Mum was around and she took my temperature, gave me pills to take, and wiped my body with warm water to bring the temperature down — but hell, i keep thinking of others, wtf, like others think of me. that i had to worked two days in a row in this condition, even though the doc granted me MC, i worked from home, tolerating the fucking slow and halted VPN connection despite my low tolerance towards fucking everything. even if you have the fucking allergies or your car broke down, if you had installed the fucking internet connection that you keep promising to do month after month after month after month after month, you could worked from home, you could have helped me out, i was really fucking counting on you — not that you are physically exhausted but i fucking was — yeah, it could have been because i’m fucking sick and i just can’t think straight, too bad that i have such low judgment on you, but how could one day you said you’ve got to take the fucking MC because you’re out of the fucking EL to take up so that you can take care of your car and you lied about the allergy to get the MC anyways and the next day you said you’re fucking sick — sorry but i know what fucking sick is because i have been fucking sick for the last 48 hours and i have exerted my fucking brains out to work when i really fucking shouldn’t to the point of crying and everytime i yawned when my brain is exhausted, the fucking tears are fucking hot it makes you fucking rimas and gets you more and more fucking exhausted.

so yeah. too bad. too fucking bad.

there. i should be good. now i can fucking blog about the entourage‘s last episode of the season then. or not. entourage‘s return to queens blvd is the only good thing i’ve had for the day — to the point it prompted me to blog because i was overwhelmed until i get the call about the jakarta trip and the wraths all out. see, i did fucking try to pushed aside the bad feelings too fucking bad, though — besides the pulut kuning and kari ayam Mum brought home. i’m fucking done for the fucking day. i’ll take the antibiotics and i’ll just sleep. i can fucking bet that tomorrow, even if i am granted for another MC since the doctor is putting me under dengue suspect observation anyway, i would still have to fucking work from home again. i can’t say that i’m surprised.

you’re just fucking selfish. and i’m sorry i’m just too fucking pissed and sick i can’t fucking think straight.