takes two to tango

i don’t do married men. i think it’s un-chic.

lauren blount

+ + + 

You make decisions by heart but without ethics. You make decisions by heart but without regulations. You make decisions by heart but without consideration.

Simply this: You make decisions without thinking, you made emotional decisions.

And how worse can that be? You have no idea of it, really.


+ + +

“u r not my panic button. panic button tak sesuai utk kau. sebab kau patut nya jadi lebih dari panic button. jadi yg the only one. atau kata lain.. jadi gf yg betul2. camtu laa.
kira kalau org tu grad.. dia grad dengan first class or 2nd class upper punya degree. kalau second class lower boleh laa jadi panic button.”
“so aku graduated first class of gfs?”
“yes. n aku tak puji kau suka2 sebab aku suka nak puji. aku puji kau sebab aku rasa kau betul2 boleh dapat pujian.”
“thank you.”
“ni kira soalan interview laa. utk kau.
sebagai seorang yg graduated dengan first class degree.. apa yg kau leh offer? kalau anda diberi peluang?”

“it goes without saying of what i can offer — bukan berlagak, but i know my worth and i do acknowledged that there are a few areas i needed to fix/upgrade/improve/enhance. i should think that a responsible man minus the asshole-ism — he will terima me seadanya, and that we would compliment each other… not outdo or drag each other down.”
“hmm.. good answer. aku tak nak panic button sebab kalau boleh… aku nak jadi yg betul2. cuma malangnya aku dah ada. tapi kita still leh kawan rapat.”

“thank you…” smile, “…u’re doing the right thing .”

“sure ke ni?”

“yeah, n im ultraproud of u.”


+ + +

and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. silently. on my own. i never thought it would be overwhelming. too overwhelming, i can’t keep it. but i can hide it.

i never thought i genuinely cared, even until now i am saying i don’t. but hell… i cried… so what is the explanation of these voluntary tears?

it wasn’t about making him jealous, or making it clear that he needs to steered off, but it was about caring that he does not have to listens to what he doesn’t like. i cared that much.

since HE showed to me there is a man who knows my worth, it’s sure as hell that i don’t deserve to be mistreated. that i don’t have to settle for anything less, just because.

+ + +

You make decisions by heart but without consideration.

And how worse can that be? You have no idea of it, really.

i do.

these are the stuffs problems are made of. this is where complications start. this is when you stopped respecting and started lying. this is when you break hearts. this is when you thought you’d never betray, but you finally do. this is when your friends got torn in between.

this is when you thought you would screw your own principles for your own fucking desperate thirst. hell, it’s quenching but you’re always so gullible… still keeping the expired juicebox in case your wine bottle dried off — but the wine bottle always wins… for the moment. soon you’ll find that in the long run, the fresh ones keep you healthy rather than those you fermented.

moi: they don’t make men like they used to.
mum: they don’t make women like they used to, either. it takes two to tango.

+ + +

fuckwhore, learn from me.