female jealousy


i should think that now i am comfortable to talk about female jealousy. i am jealous of a girlfriend who is juggling between two men whereas i am not juggling anyone nor anything at all. sure, i have reasoned myself out that it is actually a blunder to be in such situation, that i would actually be cheating, that it’s better off without having to fit yourself in the lives of those certain type of men my girlfriend is juggling with, that i get to preserved and perserved better what is left of me, that i am supposedly not troubled with this kind of shit.

anysz: apa yang kau kalah dengan dia, suessy? kau tak kalah apa-apa pun dengan dia.

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for the W planning, instead of a nine west heels/bag, each bridesmaid will instead get a pair of balenciaga heels.

M: wouldn’t your girlfriends supposedly be getting you something instead of you getting them something for your wedding?
moi: they’ll be getting me bigger something for my wedding presents.

and nooo, persahabatan dan kasih sayang adalah hadiah-hadiah yang applicable on birthdays only.

the bigger prize is HH, if i could get HH, or equivalent to HH — else i’d be wasted already. no, i do not know who the hell is HH, whether he likes durian or not, would tolerates cats or leave me alone when i’m meeting my girlfriends, attending to families, or when i plain want to be alone.

i believe there is that someone. and i’m quoting superman who quoted his mum, “like my mother always says, there is a someone for everyone.”

anysz: suessy, you can’t expect people to be perfect… you have to accept the other 20% of weakness.
moi: i have accepted 80% of weakness before —
anysz: pada kau nak accept more than 20% pun okay lea…?
moi: maybe… more about no one is good enough — so far. ntah.
rahim: there’s gotta be sparks between the two of you.
moi: nope. no sparks at all. dah dimmed. dimmed!

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i have a cat sleeping in my closet.

dsc024062 dsc024081

and moeli hates to be photographed.


and sophie goes tak boley bla.


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wouldn’t anyone thought this picture dsc02317 is actually inappropriate to be hung at a family restaurant?

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there are other things happening simultaneously. then again, is it because of age factor, peer pressure, wedding invitations, stopped whatever you’re doing and procrastinate on mulling the fact that you are partner-less, and before you knew it, you’re already thirty-fucking-five?

tak ade, pening. ade sorang pun pening. mungkin penipu, mungkin penyangak. and the one remaining fact is that people changed. my appearance changed, my style changed, my manner changed but my love never changed — however, my partner’s love towards moi changed. then again, we can guess but we may never know, maybe i changed when i eventually settled down and managed to messed things up yet again.

the one true source is to ask from HIM. to pray to HIM. to wish to HIM. only HE has it for you.

not that i’m denying it, but if i slipped thirty-five without realizing, i’m channeling samantha jones.

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meet up with fgk-s last night and aneeza told us about the film budak kelantan.

i will pick this out from aneeza, “cerita tu memang realistic yang melampau.”

moi: as in tunjuk satu scene je and your mind developed the rest of what happened next?
aneeza: y-yesss!

listening to aneeza described the first scene of the movie which was based on the distributed 3gp file of actual mat rempit raping a girl scares the hell out of me already.

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simultaneously re-reading harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone and the debutante divorcèe. here’s a trivia about moi — despite a harry potter fan that i am, i never own or buy the first book. L gave it to moi to read — perhaps permanent ownership as well.

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life is rejection
i know you’ve had your share
but this one’s special
i can’t compete with her
and did she tell you
only she could know your mind
and did she sell you
i gotta say it one time

she’s got you thinking
of a world where you might fit in
a whole lot better
than the one you’ve been living in
and did she tell you
only she could understand
and did she sell you
only time will tell

she can be your lover
she can be your friend
she can be your vision of a mother like the one you never had
she will know your troubles better than I can
but she’ll never be your man
she’ll never be your man
she’ll never be your man

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i’ve rambled enough. got paper tomorrow.