double standard

apa yang cantik?

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here’s moi on being ‘double standard’

i have a girlfriend who is fat and dark, and she’s short and stout. me being mean? i am describing her as she is but here’s the thing: i never see her in this light. never. n-e-v-e-r. i don’t know how much more i can emphasize on this.

so how do i see her?

i see her as smart. very smart. she reads a lot. and she likes poem. i am not so much a poem babe, but because of my sincere love towards her, i would layan her listening her talking about poems or about this russian poet – sorry i forgot the name – that she likes so much. it goes without saying that she’s very down to earth and very, very kind and considerate. she helped me out through a tight spot before.

that is how i see her. each and every time, that is how i would testify on her.

here’s another girl.

she would be pretty if she is not that ultra-mampat and supershort. now this is moi being mean.

it will goes without saying on how spiteful she is, busuk, sial, perasan, macam bagus, a close relation to fuckwhores, betray is her middle name – with how i would physically described her.

i guess you can conclude that i will only describe a person by their look when i have everything in the world against them – don’t tell me to stop, they deserve every single of it since i hated the fact that they being ultrafuckers can get away with it and why do some people turned a blind eye on them, anyway? the world could use a little less of them.

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dentally challenged

i am well aware of the fact that i am, dentally challenged. although not that bad but still, in a guy’s words and so many that follows later when they are grouped together making fun of moi – a turn-off.

“she’s totally gorgeous for you until… that! she could’ve been a good prospect for you.” says one to one of my many suitors.

at the time i was laughing hard – with mouth closed – because i could imagine all the other terms the boys would come out about me and my teeth – it’s the common knowledge that when the men come together, they gossiped worse than women, or rather, exaggerate on the way the victims look… you can refer to michael. sometimes mr ooi does exaggerates… a lot.

okay, so according to this person, i have the hair – he could not stop admiring its structure originality – the figure, the face… but that… that… is a turn-off.

“i am being straight and frank here. you want to attract the boys, right? once you put on the braces and took it off… guarantee… they will all cling to you. even i would.”

here’s the responses from the girls –
“suessy, he is such an asshole!”
“suessy, dia cakap macam tu kat kau? suessy, dia binatang.”
“teruknya, dia cakap macam tu? eew, suessy!”

i did warned him that when i have the conference with the girls about this, they will come unanimous on one thing – to murder him.

qieqie was much more protective. “muqri sepak dia.”

as for me… here’s my thoughts about putting on the braces.

one – i’m superscared of the pain. i’ve heard gruesome stories about lips tersepit celah the braces, masa kissing your partner’s lip akan tersangkut, your lidah akan tersangkut masa makan… okay, enough.

two – this is when i envy some women who has her man adoring her just as she is. menerima rupa seseorang itu seadanya kerana ada yang lain lebih berharga dari rupa seseorang. tak heran langsung pasal nip/tucking whatsoever.
when i was in a previous relationship, it ticked me off on how he would be pushing me about putting on the braces. not that i don’t care about it but there are other more important things inside my head – besides putting it off because of the pain – and i was working hard on reconstructuring him to meet my mum, hell, he’s the one who got more work to do but he’s already comfortable with me paying the bills… and yeah, the one yang nak bayar the dental bills pun would be me also. when i told a girlfriend about this, she said, “it’s good, he’s pushing you to always be beautiful…” that kinda ticked me off as well and i don’t take in her comment because she is suffering from the non-existent weight problem on herself and moaned that her boyfriend is always telling her that she’s beautiful when she thinks she needs to shed more fat off.
moving on after the breakup, here i am, with the almost potential person and he said the same thing. i guess since the previous relationship’s experience, i could laughed it off when he talked about me putting on braces. sweetie, aku boleh buat kau sukakan aku even with this set of teeth.

three – i do however, took this suggestion into consideration. it’s been awhile i’ve given thoughts about putting on braces. since i’ve been camwhoring a lot, i don’t deny that i loathed certain pictures when my gums have more coverage than the other coverage – haha, roha. i admit it’s a turn off, even to me. but then… i take it as, this is mei love me. i believe i am pretty, and not undermining others who are less prettier but i know that i am nicer-to-look at than some. this is for me to tell myself that, come on… some people had it worse than you… you should be thankful that you have every limbs on you and you could walk, run, talk, drive, cook, love, make someone like you, make people happy, make people looking forward to meet you, make people looking after you, fall in and out of love and fall into it again… the luxury of doing everything else – it’s only a matter of whether you want to or not. lantak lea if a guy is turned off when they see my pictures… i am just happier than they are.

actually, really… in my opinion guys are insecure. they want trophy things. it’s in their blood to show off. they really don’t make men like they used to – in saying they… astaghfirullah… haha, their fathers lea… not instilling the good virtues or practicing the good values unto their sons. yup, blaming men again here, including those of my blood relations. it’s pretty damn obvious… and i don’t rule out that there are still good men – a few good men, life imitates art – which i hope to snag one one of these days. not really there are no good things are taught to the sons as well, but how men failed to see the little things. i know you sweat the small stuff, but this is the small stuff that is less important than other things that mattered more. women tolerate a few moles on your back or hair all over your body on top of you cheating on her or slapping her face everytime she responsed to you, only it is not the way you want it… you prefer her muted.

okay… this is out of the line.

taking the suggestion into consideration… i talked to sazali. he’s a guy and i stressed and read out the honest policy between me and him ever since he wasn’t honest during my recent breakup. he nods and acknowledged my dilemma. he shares the same view as my ‘double standard’ opinion above. he talked about his girlfriend who complained that she should have done the braces earlier. he responded to her –
“buat ape nak pakai? sekarang pun dah cantik. nanti dah pakai, lagi cantik. i pulak yang susah hati.”

perggghhh sazali. sweet talker of the year, aku pun kena turun takhta for this one!
sazali: aku rasa ade banyak lagi benda yang menonjol tentang kau daripada gigi kau. tapi nanti kau nak jadi PA aku, kena pakai braces dulu, okay?

and i talked to roha – who formerly put on braces.
“why do you need to wear it? oh, okay. ade duit, boleh tahan sakit, buat lea… he is an asshole for saying that to you. nanti kau dah lawa, tak ade lea kau nak dengan dia lagi – he can be dismissed. yes, there will be a man who will terima you seadanya… for the first ten years. nanti lepas tu, you akan rasa something is missing. you akan start to look around, observe women, what’s new that they put on themselves… apa feature yang you ada, try to maximize the beauty. fix it kalau boleh. not anything drastic… you get what i mean.”

i think this is how it is applied on kate winslet. she was all out about saying just stay who you are – while she was quite weighty – and then she angered her fans when she lost a few pounds and stayed trimmed. this is all goes back to you. you want to make peace with yourself. when you are at peace with yourself… you project confidence and positivity, attracting good things toward you. it’s not that beneficial pun when you worked out everything to make others happy with how you look and then later kena dumped. you will start cursing at everything and everywhere. so i learn this important lesson with the greatest impact from the break up that the most important person i have to be happy for is me.

four – having said all that, i am looking forward for the first few weeks of wearing braces… they say the pain made you eat less or none at all.

roha: pakai braces lea yang buat aku kurus.
najwa: aku turun berapa kilo masa tu… heaven!

the fasting month made me lose a total of four kilos and i had that thought of, lets not eat at all for fear of i’m putting back the weight that i have just lost. i believe this is one of the ways how aneroxics are made and i chased the thought out of my head. that is scary… my lecturer described how the saluran pemakanan of yours gets thinner and thinner as you eat less and finally the walls of the saluran sticked together – which resulted to nothing coming out of the body for the proses perkumuhan… and you die. nauzubillah.

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you. you are cantik.