Scribbles

When was that first call?
To the library.
Due to sucha bigass campus and I pretended like a know-it-all, we stood there waiting at different libraries.

What did we do together …?
We walked around the campus.
We walked and walked.
We talked and talked.
From midnight til dusk.

What did we do together …?
We went to the library (this time the right one).
We went to skool at nights.
We went to the one place where we spent hours talking in the dark.

We fought.
We exchanged words.
I made a mix tape for him, with the cover design and everything.
I was there to see him shine.
I was too overwhelmed with everything about him.

I cried.
I shouted.
I was raging inside.
Trying to get hold of things.
Trying to understand.
I remembered playing cards with my friends at school one night.
Half-wishing I was with him.
Or at least he’s there to see me having fun without him.

I asked to leave a class early.
Just to crawled into my bed and shrinked myself.
And cried my heart out.
And just cry with all my might.
Cried until I fell asleep.
Then I woke up.
It was already dawn.

And then I moved on.

The words were about to came out of his lips.
And I saw stricken in his eyes.
Then he gets it.
He promptly paid for the food and we both went separate ways.
I came back to my room and the first thing I did was cry.
While still standing raptured on the floor.
Still have the bag strapped on my shoulder.
The books left my hand and landed on my feet.
And my roommate could not comprehend anything I babbled out with the tears streaming down on its own accord.
I was supposed to be happy because there’s someone else who loves me.
Then, why did I cried?
To this day, I never understood that part of me.
Did I really cried because I could almost have him?

He asked for my journal.
He read every page that each line has his name.
He scribbled a lyric at the first page.
Gone.

He was never serious.
He proposed-take it back-proposed-take it back-proposed.
With files, folders, books in his hand.
Leaning his head at the back of the seat in front of him.
In the bus on the way to the next class.
He smiled to me, but I was someone else’s.

There was an event going on.
Being him who always gets his way, he lured me out of the ballroom.
He made me crossed the speeding highways in my kitten heels.
I was worried for my life in case we got ran over.
He pulled me away from the crowd.
Not really saying anything that I could remember.
I could not understand why he did that.
And I never gave him a chance to say anything.
Because I was with someone else.
And I am not one to complicate when I am committed.

Could you explained to me those words?