Charlatanists (Update)

Had a lying boyfriend.
I don’t need a lying girlfriend.

Even if she only lied once. Then again, for all I know there’s been many, how was I to know? It’s good to not talk to her so that she doesn’t have to lie some more.

It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when I’ve poured out all I’ve got to make her him happy, comfortable, content. Anything and everything.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when I couldn’t get enough of her him, and I secretly sulked when she is not around.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when I put every effort I could think of to entertain her him, to get the amazed look… but I just know that she is not there with me even though she is standing in front of me.
It’s that same feeling I went through with himshe became impatient with me and raised her his voice when I cried. Or that when I didn’t brought enough lasagna for him. I went to see him straight after the lasagna is cooked and I only wanted to taste how I fared. Itu pun nak marah bawak tak cukup. “lain kali kalau nak makan sekali, bawak lebih sikit!” I kid you not he had the paling berkerut frown across his forehead. Menjengkelkan sangat aku ni…
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when the state of me crying is nothing to be bothered about.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when there’s already a better substitute replacing me.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when it is okay to be ignored by me, because there’s someone wonderful who send her him to the Komuter and pick her him up from work the Komuter.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when to inform me correctly is something not worth the time doing. Or delaykan. Or nak tunggu aku yang tanya. Bila tak tanya, marah-marah cakap aku blur, I’m spaced out, I’m ntahapahapa.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when I feel disrespected and that I am not worth to faced to to help me to understand things. Because spending time with me is no more fun… found someone funner.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when I became desperate asking for someone to talk sense into her him.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when the innerside of me is telling me to be detached the soonest possible but I keep finding reasons to fix it. To keep forgiving even though it hurts.
It’s that same feeling I went through with him… when I know it is time for me to suck it up and let her him go being with someone she’s fucking happier with but you’re not.

They’re the same kind of people… when they have been so used having themselves himself ditatang. The tall and the petite. Fuckwhore is petite as witnesses said it and more importantly, as arwah described her. Haha, yeah… and arwah thought being transparent means he’s being fucking noble to moi, the last ever respect he’d pay to me. As Drama said it, “Telling the truth is only about releasing your guilt.” That fucking selfish fuckwhore fucker.

No wonder she changed… it’s a beatiful ending for her after all.
Just like he changed… it is nice to find someone new.

Pandai cakap… exactly like arwah pandai consult for other people’s relationship or how-to-be-the-better-boyfriend saja and he just didn’t bother to do it to moi… no wonder he is still fucked.

All this time I’m just the backup to have someone around who has been dumped unceremoniously – just like she was see whether he can shaked off his moments with fuckwhore so that we can try again. I am not one to hang around or be fucking sympathised. I am not looking forward to reconcile with one of those lelaki sewel.

She: You are my bestest girlfriend.
Arwah: You’re the best.

Bullshit to me because when you say it you have already found someone to fucking replace me and are sleeping in their arms.

To dismissed me, is nothing… because there’s someone else that you can be with until the world ends.

You know you are luckier than me. I guess I am just always stronger.

This is how I feel. On top of how funny and dumb I am. I have always been too shitty nice.

Be happy.

***

I think it’s time we give it up
And figure out what’s stopping us
From breathing easy and talking straight
The way is clear if you’re ready now
The volunteer is slowing down
And taking time to save himself

The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies

You’re moving too fast for me
And I can’t keep up with you
Maybe if you slowed down for me
I could see you’re only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies

***

Alicia: Olivia and I had always planned to have a baby together. She’s the one who broke up with me – I mean, meeting you was a surprise, it was wonderful!
Caitlin: But not as wonderful as Olivia coming back, right?
Alicia: I didn’t know this was gonna happened.

Caitlin: You know I was prepared to change my whole life for you… and all the time I was just… backup.

Dearest arwah, be happy… not.